“President Obama awarded a National Medal of Arts to author Stephen King. You know, because if there’s anyone who can relate to the story of a guy trapped in a mansion that’s driving him insane, it’s Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon
“At the beginning of the summer, everyone thought Hillary Clinton was inevitable. But right now, in New Hampshire, she’s 11 points behind Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, proving that even people in New Hampshire can’t tell the difference between their state and Vermont.” – Stephen Colbert
“Yes, Ms. Clinton is clearly qualified for the office, but to be elected, that isn’t enough. You have to appear genuine. If only there was some way we could get a glimpse into the private side of Hillary Clinton — I don’t know, read her emails or something?” – Stephen Colbert
“Yesterday Hillary Clinton said she’d love to debate Donald Trump, and Bobby Jindal said he’d love to see over the podium.” – Stephen Colbert
“After Donald Trump attacked him on several issues yesterday, second-place GOP candidate Dr. Ben Carson told reporters he ‘didn’t want to get into a gladiator fight’ with Trump. Especially since Trump comes with his own helmet.” – Seth Meyers
“In an interview with CNN, Bernie Sanders said that he was stunned by the success he has had in the presidential race. That’s right, he’s stunned by his own success — and not, as I had assumed, a Taser.” – Seth Meyers
