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Late Night Political Humor

“At last night’s Republican debate on CNN, one of the big moments was when Jeb Bush admitted to smoking marijuana during high school. Marijuana denied having anything to do with Jeb Bush. ‘I wasn’t anywhere near that dude.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Jeb Bush admitted he smoked pot 40 years ago. And Ben Carson was like, ‘Dude, I’m high right now. Why do you think I speak so slowly?'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“We learned some shocking news last night about one candidate. Jeb Bush admitted to smoking pot in high school. That explains a lot. He isn’t low energy, he’s baked.” – James Corden

“During last night’s debate, Jeb Bush wanted Donald Trump to apologize to his wife but Trump refused. Trump said, ‘If I apologized to wives I wouldn’t be on my third one.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Every time [the CNN debate] went to Donald Trump, Jeb Bush got this polite but disgusted look on his face. The same look a librarian would give you if you returned a book with a slice of cheese in the middle.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Jeb Bush said last night that he wants to see Margaret Thatcher on the $10 bill. While Donald Trump said, ‘They make a $10 bill?'” – Seth Meyers

“There was a moment from last night’s debate that went viral. It was Donald Trump’s very awkward attempt to high-five fellow [candidate] Ben Carson. People today are describing it as the worst high-five in history. That was not a spontaneous gesture by Trump. Trump has been practicing that high-five for weeks. It was the only preparation he did for the debate.” – Conan O’Brien

“The most awkward handshake came courtesy of Donald Trump and Dr. Ben Carson. It starts a as a high-five, then Dr. Carson comes in low. Then it turns into a tug of war. That wasn’t slow motion by the way. That’s the speed at which Ben Carson actually moves.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Jeb Bush admitted last night that he smoked marijuana in college. Not that shocking. But based on the speed he was talking, I’m pretty sure Ben Carson smoked marijuana at every commercial break.” – Seth Meyers

“Ben Carson did not make a particularly strong impression last night. Ben Carson, to me, comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby’s house. – Jimmy Kimmel

“Clearly last night the breakout star was former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina. This woman last night brought it and crushed it, after an admittedly slow start. In her defense, everything from HP does take a little while to warm up.” – James Corden

“Last night’s debate at the Reagan Library was the most watched program in CNN history. CNN said they were thrilled with the ratings but even happier they could finally show a plane that wasn’t missing.” – Conan O’Brien