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Late Night Political Humor

“I saw that Pope Francis held his first-ever prayer here in New York City earlier this evening. I guess it was halfway through his first New York City cab ride. ‘Holy Mary Mother of God, pray for us sinners…'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Pope Francis is in America. Can you feel it? There is a certain electricity in the air and the nation’s 70 million Catholics have the kind of excitement that we usually don’t have unless we’re asking forgiveness for it afterwards.” – Stephen Colbert

“Yesterday at one of the Pope’s appearances, you probably saw the footage, a 5-year-old Mexican-American girl broke through security. Luckily, she was tackled by 16 Republican presidential candidates.” – Conan O’Brien

“While he was in Washington, the Pope gave a major speech to Congress, and asked them to accept immigrants as their own children. Then congressmen were like, ‘Eh, we’ve already got enough children our wives don’t know about.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“After Pope Francis became the first pontiff to address a joint session of Congress today, he went to meet with a group of homeless people. That’s right, he spoke to some people who spend all their time begging for money, and then he met with the homeless.” – Seth Meyers

“Our entire show is dedicated to Pope Francis’ historic visit to the U.S. It’s an hour long, so it might be the shortest Catholic service you’ll ever sit through.” –Stephen Colbert

“And in a speech yesterday, Pope Francis urged American bishops to ‘flee the temptation of narcissism.’ Then bishops were like, ‘Oooh! He’s talking about us!’ – Jimmy Fallon

“The president of China is going to be at the White House. I just hope the president of China likes leftover Pope food.” – Conan O’Brien

“Of course Donald Trump did weigh in on the Pope. He said he likes the Pope very much but he doesn’t agree with him on climate change or immigration. He said he doesn’t believe in climate change or gravity. He doesn’t believe in either of those things.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today Donald Trump said he doesn’t believe in climate change. He said if there’s a hole in the ozone layer, just comb some ozone from another part over it.” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump was scheduled to appear on Fox News’ ‘The O’Reilly Factor’ tonight, but Fox canceled him after his recent comments criticizing the network. So if you want to hear about Donald Trump, you’ll just have to try CNN, MSNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS, Bravo, Facebook, Twitter, or going outside.” – Seth Meyers

“Donald Trump announced yesterday that he will no longer be appearing on Fox News because he believes they treat him unfairly. Then President Obama was like, ‘You. Are. ADORABLE! Really? Wow.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“There’s going to be a total lunar eclipse and a super moon on Sunday, both of them at once. That has not happened since 1982, it won’t happen again until 2033 — which happens be the year when Snooki is expected to be seeking the Republican nomination for president.” – Jimmy Kimmel


One Comment

  1. ebdoug wrote:

    Immigrants in Europe from AP news. Unaccompanied children. What a different attitude than those who came to this country as immigrants:

    “Compared to adult asylum seekers, unaccompanied children are treated under a different set of rules in many European countries. Because they are more vulnerable, they are separated from other migrants and refugees on arrival at their destination country, and transferred to local reception centers like the one in Kent. There they stay for up for two months while authorities make further plans for them: Some will transfer to social housing with supervision by social workers or a guardian – a “god man” in Swedish, meaning a “good person” – while others stay with local foster families. All have the right to accommodation and welfare benefits including education, health care, and money to buy food and clothes.”

    Sunday, October 11, 2015 at 4:11 am | Permalink