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Late Night Political Humor

“Last night, Bobby Jindal announced that he is dropping out of the race for president. I guess that after talking it over with family and friends, he realized that even THEY didn’t know he was running for president.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Republican Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, is dropping out. Jindal never got out of single digits in the polls. ‘My parents came to this country 45 years ago and they told me as a young child that Americans can do anything’ — not only did Jindal have to drop out, he learned his parents have been lying to him.” – Stephen Colbert

“Bobby, I have some terrible news about the tooth fairy. She’s not voting for you, either.” – Stephen Colbert

“Donald Trump recently said that he’s lost 15 pounds on the campaign trail. Well, so did everyone when Bobby Jindal dropped out of the race.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump’s support keeps growing, with the latest poll from New Hampshire showing him ahead by 22 points. That’s higher than the age of his next wife. It’s only slightly more than the number of candidates for president.” – Stephen Colbert

“Trump ran into a little trouble before a speech in Knoxville. Someone noticed that the sign in front of Trump’s podium actually misspelled the word ‘Tennessee’ and only had one ‘S.’ Or as Trump calls it, ‘A naked dollar sign.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Jeb Bush is on Snapchat. He’s been on for a while because he’s cool too. The Bush campaign launched a contest people can enter to win a chance to have dinner with Jeb Bush. The contest is called, ‘Will someone please come hang out with me?'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Bernie Sanders, the presidential hopeful and senator from Vermont, joined Snapchat. Bernie did this, I assume, to appeal to younger voters. If you’re the oldest candidate running for president, maybe not a great idea to post a drawing of yourself as a ghost.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“If you’d like to follow Bernie Sanders, his Snapchat user name is bernie.sanders. If you want to log into his account, his password is ‘Password’.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Bernie Sanders will deliver a speech tomorrow, which pundits say will seek to clarify his identity as a Democratic socialist. He’ll explain that ‘Democratic’ means he believes everyone should have an equal say, and ‘socialist’ means he’s not getting elected.” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton recently decided to make her Myspace page ‘private,’ so people can no longer see some of her old campaign ads. When somebody told her she can just delete it, Hillary said, ‘I’m not fallin’ for that again!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“We all love watching the horse race, and most of these people, like a horse, will be turned into glue because politics is a blood sport. It’s like ‘The Hunger Games’. No, it’s more than that. It’s ‘The Hungry for Power Games’.” – Stephen Colbert