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Late Night Political Humor

“Last night was the fifth Republican debate, and at one point Donald Trump was interrupted by a heckler yelling at him from offstage. Then the moderators said, ‘You’ll have more than enough time to speak at your next debate, Hillary.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Last night, the GOP debate took place in Las Vegas. CNN said the Republicans chose that location because ‘nothing says fiscal responsibility and wise choices like Las Vegas.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Last night was yet another Republican debate. CNN’s GOP-alooza went down in Las Vegas at the most American possible venue, the Venetian hotel and casino. The debate took place on the stage where ‘Phantom of the Opera’ played for over six years. Which explains Wolf Blitzer’s outfit.” – Stephen Colbert

“The fifth Republican debate was the third most-watched primary debate ever — 18 million viewers tuned in. More people watched the debate than the season finale of ‘The Voice.’ Maybe Carly Fiorina is the new Gwen Stefani.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Holding the debate in Las Vegas makes total sense. The stakes are high. There’s a lot of money riding on long shots. Most people are betting it all on red, or really orange.” – Stephen Colbert

“A new poll came out and it found that, of all the Republican candidates, people think Donald Trump would make the best Santa Claus. In response, Chris Christie said, ‘Oh COME ON, what do I gotta do?'” – Conan O’Brien

“At a Donald Trump rally the other night, a supporter shouted out the Nazi salute ‘Sieg Heil!’ Trump immediately responded, ‘There is no place for that here — save it for my inauguration.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump said last night that despite calling Ted Cruz a ‘maniac’, he has since learned that Cruz has a ‘wonderful temperament’. And if Donald Trump thinks you have a ‘wonderful temperament’, you’re probably a maniac.” – Seth Meyers

“Ted Cruz said he would carpet bomb ISIS until the sand glowed. When it was pointed out ISIS was centered in a city with a major population, he said carpet bombs should only target ISIS, which means Ted Cruz has invented a carpet bomb that only kills the bad guys, which is remarkable. I don’t know why we didn’t think of that before.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Ted Cruz has been moving up in the polls but still is only the fourth most popular cruise behind Tom, Penelope, and Carnival.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Dr. Ben Carson began with a moment of silence, then continued the debate with many, many more moments of silence. Although he may have been taking a power nap.” – Jimmy Kimmel