Skip to content

Late Night Political Humor

“Hillary Clinton came up a lot during the debate. At one point, Ted Cruz even asked Trump why he wrote four checks to Hillary for her campaign in 2008. Trump said, ‘Look, with all the women I have to write checks to every month, it’s easy to get carried away.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Marco Rubio called out Donald Trump for his clothing collection that is being made in China. But trump defended his Chinese workers, saying ‘I treat those kids like they’re my own.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“It’s being reported that the Democrats have a plan to ‘shatter the Republican Party’. When he heard, Donald Trump said, ‘Beat you to it!'” – Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney gave a big speech against Donald Trump today and said, ‘A business genius he is not.’ Then Romney was like, ‘Yoda, my speechwriter is.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Romney also said Trump’s promises are as worthless as a degree from Trump University. Then Trump said, ‘Or as worthless as a Romney 2012 poster.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt Romney this morning made a televised speech in which he went all in after Donald Trump. He called him a phony and a fraud. He said he’s playing the American public for suckers. I haven’t seen Mitt this fired up since that time he dripped mayonnaise on a new pair of chambray Dockers.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Mitt Romney also said Donald Trump is playing the American public for a free ride to the White House and, quote, ‘All we get is a lousy hat.’ Not to mention a $30 picture of how scared we all look on the way down.” – Jimmy Fallon

“If Mitt Romney is the big gun the Republicans sent in to stop Trump, they’re in a lot of trouble. It’s like sending a meter maid in to break up a prison riot.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Ted Cruz is trying to tie Donald Trump to a prominent mobster. In an attempt to repair the damage to his reputation, the mobster is distancing himself from Trump.” – Conan O’Brien

“A farm in Ohio has the words ‘NO TRUMP’ written so large in cow manure that it can be seen by overhead planes. The craziest part — no one asked the cow to do that.” – Seth Meyers

“Chris Christie was asked today about his vacant expression during Donald Trump’s Super Tuesday victory speech, and told reporters, ‘I wasn’t anything other than happy.’ Well, if that expression means you’re happy, then my wife was thrilled when I forgot her birthday.” – Seth Meyers

“The Google search ‘How to move to Canada’ started trending after Donald Trump’s impressive showing on Super Tuesday. Or as Canadians put it, ‘Great, now we need to build a wall.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Ben Carson sat out tonight’s 11th Republican debate. And kinda the first 10.” – Seth Meyers

“The Defense Department is inviting hackers to test its cyber security in a new program called ‘Hack the Pentagon.’ Which will be followed by another new program called ‘OK, Please Stop Hacking Us. It’s Not Funny Anymore.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“A marijuana activist group is planning a protest at the White House on April 2. They’re expected to show up around May 9.” – Conan O’Brien