Skip to content

Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from May 16, 2016]

“A New York Times exposé on Donald Trump reveals some pretty questionable interactions with women. Including claims that when Trump ran the Miss USA Pageant, he would frequently rate women’s appearances right to their faces while they just stood there. Which is really sexist. And also pretty much the definition of any beauty pageant.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Despite the fact that it was freezing here today, climate scientists say that April was the hottest month on record. It was so hot, Donald Trump tried to make out with it.” – Stephen Colbert

“The article makes the point that Donald Trump has hired many women to run his businesses and even quotes him as saying, ‘A good woman is better than 10 good men.’ And Hillary was like, ‘Thanks for the new campaign slogan.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The article goes on to detail how Trump bragged about his sexual prowess, as well as his daughter’s hotness, and had a preoccupation with women’s bodies. Which means Trump could be the first president to appoint an actual ‘federal bikini inspector’.” – Stephen Colbert

“RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said yesterday that Donald Trump will ‘have to answer for’ his behavior towards women. Said Trump, ‘I’ll have my girl write something up.'” – Seth Meyers

“The New York Times emailed a news alert reading: ‘Special report: Donald Trump has repeatedly unnerved women in private encounters over 40 years.’ Unnerving women for 40 years? That implies there were 29 years where he was not unnerving women. I’m going to want a fact check.” – Stephen Colbert

“A restaurant in Lithuania is stirring up controversy by displaying a mural on its wall that shows Donald Trump kissing Vladimir Putin. Trump said he’s not mad that it shows him kissing a man, he’s mad that it shows him kissing someone over 40.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Audio has surfaced showing that in the 1980s and ’90s Donald Trump may have used a fake name to pose as his own publicist. Or, maybe a little-known publicist named John Miller used a fake name to pose as a New York real estate mogul and run for president.” – Seth Meyers

“Former Republican hopeful John Kasich said today that ‘somebody’ had called him to encourage him to run as a third-party candidate, but declined to say who. Oh my God, John, the calls are coming from inside the house!” – Seth Meyers

“Tomorrow is the Kentucky Democratic Primary. And, in an act of desperation, Bernie is now going by ‘Colonel Sanders’.” – Seth Meyers


One Comment

  1. redjon wrote:

    It’s a funny thing about how paunchy, baggy-eye-lidded old men with jowls and comb-overs think they’re actually in a position to pontificate about the attractiveness of different women… Donald Trump, for instance, has got to be right up there on the attractiveness scale with Carl O’Connor’s Archie Bunker character from the sitcom. Except O’Connor was a lot better looking and even in character better spoken.

    Wednesday, June 1, 2016 at 2:37 pm | Permalink