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Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Feb. 22, 2017]

The Washington Post has done an analysis of Trump’s first month as president and says that during that time, Trump has made 133 false or misleading statements. That’s right, 133 false statements. Isn’t that — [mimes listening to earpiece] sorry, it’s absolutely 134. It’s 135 — it’s — it’s 137. Forget it, we’ll be here all night. – James Corden

The Washington Post says that he has lied over 130 times in just his first month. If you do the math, he’s releasing an average of four false or misleading statements per day. On the bright side, you can’t say Trump isn’t getting anything done. – James Corden

Now the most shocking thing in this report is that it’s only been 34 days. How? It feels like he’s halfway into his second term, doesn’t it? This is the first administration where the public is aging faster than the president. – James Corden

But it makes sense that Trump tells the most fibs of any president — even the color of his skin is a lie. – James Corden

Trump’s frequent visits to his Mar-a-Lago resort have many wondering if he’ll stick with the presidential tradition of visiting Camp David. While others would just be happy if he stuck with the tradition of visiting the White House. You’re still president on the weekends, you know that? All right, good. – Jimmy Fallon

Another big story is Trump’s ongoing feud with the media. Especially his tweet where he called the press “the enemy of the American people.” And the American people said, “No, that would still be kale. No one likes kale.” – Jimmy Fallon

Former Democratic presidential candidate Lincoln Chafee is actually siding with Trump, saying he can relate to how Trump’s being covered. Then even Lincoln Chafee was like, “Wait, who am I again? Am I the guy with the guitar? No, that was Martin O’Malley. No, yeah, I was the guy with the hair, OK.” – Jimmy Fallon

President Trump said today that he very much enjoyed his tour of the National Museum of African American History and Culture yesterday. One employee was like, “Sir, that was a basketball game.” – Seth Meyers

Yesterday, Trump was touring the Museum of African American History and Culture, and according to witnesses, he noticed a stone auction block on which slaves would stand and was moved to say, “Boy, that is just not good. That is not good.” I haven’t heard that kind of eloquent enunciation since the Civil War novel “The Red Badge of Dang, That Is Messed Up.” – Stephen Colbert

And he wasn’t done taking a courageous stance against slavery, because later they came upon a set of shackles used to restrain children, and the president said, “That is really bad. That is really bad” — adding, “Chains on a child? What is this, the airport?” – Stephen Colbert

President Trump is getting ready to speak to Congress next Tuesday and apparently this speech will be more upbeat than the one he gave at his inauguration. People were like, “Seriously, ‘Manchester by the Sea’ was more upbeat than his inauguration speech.” – Jimmy Fallon

White House press secretary Sean Spicer said today that President Trump will not be watching the Academy Awards this Sunday. But I bet Spicer will, since he’s nominated for most animated short. – Seth Meyers

Vice President Mike Pence today toured a factory in St. Louis. Pence was like, “It’s so great to be back here in the place where I was built.” – Seth Meyers

If you are visiting in New York right now, you might have noticed that yesterday, activists put a banner on the Statue of Liberty reading, “Refugees Welcome”. It’s absolutely a lovely thought, but kind of redundant on the Statue of Liberty, isn’t it? It’s like taking a rainbow flag and adding, “We Like the Gays!” It’s not necessary. – Stephen Colbert

But I guess that’s where we are right now. You’ve got to say things out loud that, before, we just assumed we all agreed on. The bar’s getting lower. – Stephen Colbert

According to a new report, more Americans over 65 are using marijuana to relieve pain. Said one such American, “I’m 65? How long have I been playing Call of Duty?” – Seth Meyers

Scientists are saying people who grow up with cats in their homes are not more likely to develop mental illnesses. No, the mental illness comes first. – Seth Meyers


One Comment

  1. ebdoug wrote:

    Politifact has 64 “Pants on Fire” in the time they’ve been doing FactCheck which I think might be about ten years, I’m not sure.

    Obama has 9 “Pants on Fire” one for the year he campaigned and one for each year in office. Obama lies the least, Hillary the next least.

    Thursday, April 13, 2017 at 3:57 am | Permalink