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The BIG Vaccine Stories

Stephen Colbert gives you the big news about Nicky Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Testicles:

But wait, there’s more!

Joe Biden recently encouraged private companies, government agencies, and other organizations to implement vaccine mandates. But some of these mandates include a religious exemption. Unfortunately for nut-jobs looking for a way to escape getting vaccinated, all major religions support vaccination, so a number of fly-by-night religions have sprung up just to fleece support anti-vaxxers.

Which raises the question of just what is a religion, which brings up the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Naturally, the Church isn’t against vaccination, they are against people who don’t get vaccinated.

Many people have asked what is the Church’s stance on vaccinations and vaccination mandates.

Many have asked if we provide exemption letters.

I find it weird that religious exemptions are an accepted thing in general, seems like it would be best to leave public health policy to the most knowledgeable, not religious leadership. But if Churches must take a position on the issue …

I am happy to announce that we are offering Official letters for those Pastafarians who would like to be exempt from working in proximity to the unvaxxed.

The unvaccinated may emit harmful virus particles which are forbidden to devout Pastafarians, therefore we expect all reasonable measures to be taken to help us avoid these virus particles. Please respect our religious liberty.

Here’s the letter they will give you. You can get your own through a handy form.

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