Political Irony

“Oh, and of course, there’s that big scandal with A-porn, I mean Acorn. They’re an organization that gets government money to help poor people. Well, now, they’re in a lot of trouble. It seems these two filmmakers went to Acorn’s office posing as a pimp and a prostitute, saying they wanted to buy a house and run it as a brothel. And Acorn workers gave them advice on how to get away with prostitution and how to avoid paying taxes. See, here’s my question. If they want to get away with prostitution and not paying taxes, go to Congress. These are the professionals. These are the people that know.” – Jay Leno

“A new Nielsen survey found that Washington, D.C., has the most 25- to 34-year-olds in the country who make over $100,000 a year. Yeah, and they’re called hookers.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Big story. Earlier today, President Obama said that he’s dropping President Bush’s plan for a missile defense shield. Obama is also dropping President Bush’s plan to build an elite army of Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.” – Conan O’Brien

“Well, according to Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, he says the recession is over. You know, where is that ‘You lie!’ guy when you need him?” – Jay Leno

“You know, they used to say a recession was when your neighbor lost his job, and a depression was when you lost your job. You probably heard this, right? See, now, a recession is when Wall Street guys get bailed out, and a depression is what you get thinking about it.” – Jay Leno

“The Senate just passed a bill allowing Amtrak passengers to carry guns in their checked luggage. However, folks, Greyhound passengers are still not allowed to carry deodorant.” – Conan O’Brien

“Senator Max Baucus has unveiled his health-care reform bill. It will require that every single American obtain health insurance. Well, let’s hope it works out as well as that California law that says that everybody has to have car insurance. O.K., what happened to that one?” – Jay Leno

“Today, what else is going on? Former Vice President Dick Cheney underwent minor surgery on his back. The doctor told Cheney it’s a simple operation, he’d be up and having heart surgery in no time.” – Conan O’Brien

“Dick Cheney is having surgery today to relieve his lower back pain. And do you know how they administered the anesthesia? They just shot it right in his face.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Vince McMahon’s wife, Linda, is stepping down as the CE. of World Wrestling Entertainment to run for the Senate in Connecticut. Things are going well for her. She’s already raised a ton of campaign money from the folding chair industry.” – Jimmy Fallon

“She’s promising to lower taxes, reduce government, and pile-drive the Iron Sheik.” – Jimmy Fallon