“President Obama hosts an early Cinco de Mayo White House party today. I thought it was weird when he made all the guests climb over the fence to get in.” – Jimmy Fallon “President Obama has promised now that we’ll be out of Afghanistan by 2024. That’s just right around the corner. That’s the same […]
Michele Bachmann has become a citizen of Switzerland (she now has dual citizenship because her husband is Swiss). The media has already started asking her if she will be running for office there (which she is eligible to do). Switzerland, like most first world countries, has universal health care, or what we call an individual […]
“President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan yesterday. It wasn’t as big a surprise as last year’s Navy SEALs trip to Pakistan, but it was big.” – Jay Leno “Vice President Joe Biden stayed behind. He did not go on this trip. Well, thank God for that. What if there had been an emergency […]
This is definitely NSFW, but too funny to not watch anyway: Starring Kate Beckinsale, Judy Greer, Andrea Savage, and Funny or Die.
“Today Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that the firehouse is not where you get to fire people.” – Jimmy Fallon “You know who’s in town today? Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney has not been in New York City since he used to anchor […]
“I hosted the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner on Saturday night. The entertainment was me and President Obama. He was very funny, and made jokes about the fact that he ate a dog. Some people thought it was undignified for the president to joke about that. Personally, I feel like once you eat a dog, […]
“This story just keeps getting bigger and bigger. CNN said Secret Service agents may have visited a strip club in El Salvador as well. Don’t you like that language, ‘they visited’? That’s what guys do when they go to strip clubs, they visit. ‘Hi, just visiting.’ No, you visit a hospital!” – Jay Leno “Now […]
Only Jon Stewart could get away with asking these questions:
© Derf What I find ironic about this comic is that it asks “why stop there?” but the truth is that we never stopped. Most politicians are already more like actors anyway, and the movies (especially Pixar) have blurred the line between real and virtual actors. For all we know, Romney is a CGI. And […]
“A new poll found that Michelle Obama has a much higher approval rating than Barack Obama. Which explains Barack’s new slogan, ‘Vote for Michelle Obama’s Husband.’” – Jimmy Fallon “According to a new ABC poll, both Michelle Obama and Ann Romney are more popular than their husbands. At this point, so is asbestos.” – Jimmy […]
“After winning five primaries yesterday, Mitt Romney has his new campaign slogan. ‘Well, I guess you’re stuck with me.’” – Jay Leno “Yesterday Mitt Romney won all five of the primaries. Apparently when you buy four primaries, you get the fifth for free.” – Conan O’Brien “Mitt Romney gets a lot of criticism because he’s […]
The best jokes made by Barack Obama and Jimmy Kimmel: On Obama “Remember when the country rallied around you in hope for a better tomorrow? That was a good one.” – Kimmel “What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.” – Obama “I have not seen ‘The […]
“Tonight on the show we have the president of the United States, Barack Obama. Unfortunately, though, a lot of people weren’t able to get tickets. That includes students, professors, Joe Biden.” – Jimmy Fallon “President Obama said he’s not going to pander to the UNC students and tell them what they want to hear. I […]
© Mike Lester So that’s why they wear those wires.
“Yesterday was Earth Day, and apparently today is Find Out Yesterday Was Earth Day Day.” – Conan O’Brien “They estimate that a billion people participated in Earth Day activities. Then they all went back to driving their SUVs to the gym.” – Jimmy Kimmel “In conjunction with Earth Day, the Dutch electronics company Philips released […]
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