An Arizona man was arrested for attempting to bring a pitchfork into a county supervisor’s building in February. The judge acquitted him, stating that the county manager’s decision “allowing members of the public with holstered handguns access to the building but denying access to the defendant because he had a holstered pitchfork was arbitrary, capricious […]
“Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is a man who cheated on his first wife and left her while she was in bed with cancer. Then he cheated on his second wife with his current, third wife. I don’t think actual newts are this slimy.” – Bill Maher “In a new interview, Newt Ginrich […]
Presenting, Reagan OS 911
“The Libyan rebels this week kind of hinted to the United States that they could use a little help. Right. Like, America would just blunder around the Middle East killing people without all the facts. That doesn’t sound like the America I know.” – Bill Maher “I don’t think Khadafi gets it, because half the […]
“Gov. Scott Walker’s dispute with Wisconsin’s labor unions is making him unpopular with his constituents, who feel like he’s attacking his own people. That’s not good, because the only other guy doing that right now is Moammar Gadhafi.” – Jay Leno “Protests continue in Libya. It was reported that most of the protests are being […]
© Joel Pett I just had a bizarre thought — wouldn’t the GOP be better off if they just ran God for president? After all, the Republicans already worship Reagan as if he were a mythological being.
“The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our Congress has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore.” – Conan O’Brien “Oprah has been invited by Egypt’s new government to do a show from Cairo. So they’ve replaced one power-mad tyrant […]
“The Middle East has their own Charlie Sheen right now: Moammar Gadhafi.” – Conan O’Brien “Moammar Gadhafi is starting to sound a little crazy. Al-Jazeera canceled his show, ‘Two and a Half Shiites.’” – David Letterman “They’re saying Gadhafi is ‘disconnected from reality.’ According to the State Department, Gadhafi thought this year’s Oscars were fantastic.” […]
“On a rambling call to a TV station, Gadhafi ranted about his enemies and blamed others for his problems. He said he feels fine and is ready to go back to work. He’s now the Charlie Sheen of Libya.” – Jay Leno “People complained that the Oscars were too dull. They’ve already named the hosts […]
“Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi described President Obama as an African of Arab and Muslim descent. After the speech, Gadhafi was given his own show on Fox News.” – Conan O’Brien “Moammar Gadhafi said that Libyan protesters were all on drugs, and then he blamed it on Al Qaeda. Now, he’s saying it’s the fault of […]
“Economists say that with all this unrest, gas prices could rise to $5 a gallon. The good news is that instead of this money going to ruthless America-hating dictators, it will go to ruthless America-hating democracies.” – Jay Leno “In 50 years, gas-powered cars will be antiquated. You’ll only see them in museums, or in […]
“Rahm Emanuel is expected to win the election for mayor of Chicago. In keeping with Chicago tradition, his victory was announced two weeks ago.” – Conan O’Brien “Congratulations to Rahm Emanuel on being elected as mayor of Chicago. How do I know he will win? It’s Chicago, I called a guy last week to find […]
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