“Today we celebrate Saint Patrick, the guy that drove all of the Toyotas out of Ireland.” – Jay Leno “It was a beautiful day here in New York for the Saint Patrick’s Day parade — over 60 degrees outside! I guess it’s just that old ‘Luck o’ the Global Warming.’” – Jimmy Fallon “To celebrate […]
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[I’m reposting this for Centrist Zealot — check them out.] President Barack Obama, using a surgical technique first performed by Franklin Roosevelt and later perfected by Lyndon Johnson, forcibly attached a pair of testicles to the Democratic Party yesterday. The operation, which took an agonizing 15 months and much of the nation’s patience, was labeled […]
“And I’m sure you remembered to turn your clock ahead an hour, unless, of course, you’re a Democrat working on health care. Then you might want to turn it back a year and start all over again.” – Jay Leno “Congress is getting ready to vote on President Obama’s health care bill. It’s going to […]
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“Thank you for coming on the Ides of March. You know, this is March 15. It was on this day in 44 B.C., Julius Caesar met his end. He was stabbed in the back by members of the Senate, ironically, while pleading for health care.” – Jay Leno “President Obama talked about health care reform […]
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“This week was dominated by Congressman Eric Massa, the amazing groping, tickling, snorkeling congressman. America was shocked to learn there is another closeted gay congressman and he’s not a Republican.” – Bill Maher “He went on Glenn Beck and told about his 50th birthday party, with all men, and they got into a big tickle […]
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“We had a lousy audience last night. You couldn’t tell if they were laughing at the jokes or if they were being tickled by New York Congressman Massa.” – David Letterman “He admits to groping, fondling, and tickling. And I’m thinking, well, why isn’t this guy governor of New York?” – David Letterman “Massa goes […]
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“Rush Limbaugh says if health care reform passes, he’s going to leave the country and move to Costa Rica. Hey, you know what that means, right? That means one less overweight smoker the rest of us don’t have to pay for.” – Jay Leno “Health care passes, Rush Limbaugh leaving. Or as President Obama calls […]
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“Well, big changes announced today for the next Indianapolis 500. All the cars will be Toyota Priuses.” – Jay Leno “As you know, the Toyota Prius is a hybrid — half gas engine, half runaway racehorse.” – Jay Leno “Yesterday, in San Diego, a man called the police when the accelerator on his Prius got […]
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