“One of the biggest movies to come out this weekend was the Disney movie, ‘Frozen,’ which is an animated film about the Obamacare website. Kids hate this movie. An hour and a half of characters trying to fix the website.” – Conan O’Brien “In Nevada, where prostitution is legal – true story – prostitutes are […]
“In 1941, Congress ruled that the fourth Thursday in November would officially be observed as Thanksgiving Day – thus making it the last time Congress accomplished anything.” – Jay Leno “You can tell Thanksgiving is getting closer. In fact, today, five turkeys from the United States showed up at the Moscow airport seeking asylum.” – […]
“President Obama’s approval rating is at 37 percent, the lowest point of his presidency. Here’s how bad it is. You know the Thanksgiving turkey he’s pardoning this week? The turkey said: ‘No pictures’. It didn’t want to be seen.” – Jay Leno “Are you aware of the turkey shortage? Now the White House has stepped […]
We all know that only the government screws up building a website. Right? Because the private sector does everything perfectly! While the media was fixated on the problems with the healthcare.gov website, meanwhile Obamacare scored a huge success in an even more significant area. It is dramatically slowing the cost of healthcare. Ironically, this is […]
“Here we go again. Freshman Congressman Trey Radel of Florida has been arrested for possession of cocaine in Washington, D.C. He admitted he is an alcoholic and pled guilty to possession of cocaine. The judge sentenced him to four years as mayor of Toronto.” – Jay Leno “Toronto’s city council has voted to drastically reduce […]
“Thanksgiving is right around the corner. As you know, the traditional Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left.” – Jay Leno “There’s a turkey shortage. Are you aware of that fact? There’s also a gravy shortage. It’s up to […]
© Drew Sheneman I hope everyone, even those poor souls who have to work today, has a good (or at least bearable) Thanksgiving, Hannukkah, or Turkey (Tofu?) Day.
“President Obama and his top aides met with insurance company CEOs at the White House on Friday. So we’ve got politicians meeting with insurance salesmen. You know, if you throw in a couple of used car dealers, you have the trifecta of professional lying right there.” – Jay Leno “How about that Obamacare? They bungled […]
“This week we found out how many people have signed up for Obamacare on the federal website. Out of 15 million uninsured, they signed up 26,794. To give you an idea, Wilt Chamberlain had sex with more people than that.” – Bill Maher “So far, only 106,000 people have signed up for Obamacare. Even more […]
“The Department of Homeland Security revealed that hackers have attempted more than a dozen cyber-attacks on the Obamacare website, but couldn’t get in. Then Obama said, ‘But when you do, let us know how you did it!’” – Jimmy Fallon “At a press conference President Obama talked about Healthcare.gov and he said buying health insurance […]
“Yesterday at the White House, President Obama met with various leaders of the American Indian tribes. He promised them, ‘If you like your medicine man, you can keep your medicine man’.” – Jay Leno “According to a new report, over a million Californians are losing their health insurance due to Obamacare. In fact, some are […]
“Many scam artists are trying to take advantage of the problems with the Obamacare website. Experts say you can tell it’s a scam site if you enter your information and it quickly and efficiently signs you up for healthcare.” – Conan O’Brien “German veterinarians have a tortoise moving again after giving him a Lego wheel […]
“In a new interview today, Sarah Palin refused to endorse Chris Christie. Afterward, Christie told Palin, ‘Thanks, I owe you one’.” – Conan O’Brien “Happy Veterans Day. President Obama today honored our oldest living veteran, who is 107 years old. So congratulations to Senator John McCain.” – Jay Leno “It is Veterans Day. A 107-year-old […]
“As you may know, Thanksgiving began in 1621 when the Pilgrims feasted with the Indians and promised them, ‘If you like your land, you can keep your land’.” – Jay Leno “The Obama White House website still says if you like your health plan, you can keep it. That’s false, of course. The president says […]
Ever get confused as to whether something is racist or not? This can help! Jon Stewart and three members of the Daily Show team, PLUS Key and Peele. It doesn’t get much funnier than this.
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