“In 1941, Congress ruled that the fourth Thursday in November would officially be observed as Thanksgiving Day – thus making it the last time Congress accomplished anything.” – Jay Leno
“You can tell Thanksgiving is getting closer. In fact, today, five turkeys from the United States showed up at the Moscow airport seeking asylum.” – Jay Leno
“The traditional Thanksgiving began in what year? 1621. And soon afterward, the Indians realized they had a failed immigration policy.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama just can’t catch a break. He gave an immigration speech yesterday in San Francisco and got heckled by a guy yelling something about stopping deportations. Obama was cool, he said the man was entitled to free speech, and then he turned to his security and said, ‘Deport that guy’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“When President Obama was in Los Angeles, he visited the DreamWorks Studios. Now don’t confuse DreamWorks with Obamacare – that was a dream that didn’t work.” – Jay Leno
“The big news this week is that the U.S. finally got Iran to agree to stop making nuclear weapons. In exchange, the U.S. has freed up $8 billion of Iran’s assets. When asked how it plans to spend the money, Iran said, ‘We’re going to buy nuclear weapons’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“I heard that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is very excited about the movie ‘Hunger Games.’ He’s apparently under the impression it’s about competitive eating.” – David Letterman
“A new study found that parents who only have daughters are more likely to be Republican, which I guess explains why my Dad registered as Republican when he saw me throw a football.” – Jimmy Fallon
