“No one’s talking about taking away ALL the guns. But now I get it, now I see what’s happening. So this is what it is. Their paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present. We can’t even begin to address 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, […]
It is well-known that the White House has a website for submitting petitions. Any petition that gets enough signatures gets an official response. Someone submitted a petition that called for the government to “Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.” But they probably didn’t expect this awesome nerd response: […]
“What do you put on a trillion dollar coin? On the tail side obviously a bald eagle breathing fire while making love to the American flag. What is on the heads? Obama? Boehner? I’ll tell what you it should be, those Charmin bears – because when you pull an idea like this out of your […]
© Ruben Bolling I’m not totally sure if the originators of the idea of the US minting a trillion dollar coin were serious, but a former head of the US mint claims that the idea would work and would be totally legal. Then for an added twist of irony, Fox News once again shows that […]
“This week Congress approved some version of the fiscal tax bill, which raises taxes on rich Americans. President Obama was determined to do this right away – while there are still some rich Americans left.” – Jay Leno “While working on a deal to avoid the fiscal cliff, members of Congress spent New Year’s Eve […]
“Well folks, it is December 21, or as the Mayans call it, April Fools Day.” – Jay Leno “It’s late Friday night, which means the world did not end after all! So the good news is, we’re still here. The bad news, I got A LOT of Christmas shopping to do.” – Jimmy Fallon “The […]
“As you know, the Mayans said the world will end tomorrow, and like everybody else, they blame Bush.” – Jay Leno “According to the Mayan calendar, Friday is the end of the world. You know what? There is a sign of the apocalypse. The New York Knicks are in first place.” – David Letterman “Even […]
“It looks like President Obama is going to pick John Kerry to be our next secretary of state. This is a very strategic move when it comes to foreign policy. Obama plans to use Kerry to bore our enemies to death.” – Jay Leno “Yesterday, President Obama and John Boehner talked about the fiscal cliff […]
“In what’s being called a stunning literary find, a Danish historian has discovered the last remaining, unpublished fairy tale from Hans Christian Andersen. It’s called ‘Congress Solves the Fiscal Cliff’.” – Jay Leno “It’s rumored that John Boehner and President Obama are considering a partial deal to avoid the fiscal cliff at the end of […]
“The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday morning, and ‘Lincoln’ got seven nominations. Finally, a Republican who might win something.” – Jay Leno “‘The Hobbit’ opens today. It’s going to make a ton of money this weekend. It will make more money than Mitt Romney spent losing the election.” – Craig Ferguson “The U.S. Census […]
“Barbara Walters chose General David Petraeus as the most fascinating person of 2012. What a coincidence. So did Paula Broadwell.” – Jay Leno “Barbara Walters’ ‘Ten Most Fascinating People’ show was on last night. Number one was General Petraeus. I think if this guy was a little less fascinating he would probably still have his […]
© Tom Tomorrow It was one heck of a crazy year! Here’s to it being over, and hoping you have a lovely new year.
By Dave Barry. My favorite month is August “when Hurricane Isaac fails to dampen the mood in Tampa at the wild and crazy spontaneous wacky funfest that is the Republican National Convention. The Republicans — eager to disprove the stereotype that they are the party of old, out-of-touch, rich white men — give their highest-visibility […]
According to satirist Andy Borowitz, the Al Qaeda terrorist group is disbanding, saying “our mission of destroying the American economy is now in the capable hands of the U.S. Congress.” The now-former Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri declared that the idea of holding the entire nation hostage with a clock ticking down to the end […]
© Jim Morin Of course this is ridiculous. They would only filibuster it if Obama came out in favor of it.
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