“NASA says the Mars rover has made a major discovery. Scientists hope it found signs of life there. Americans are just hoping it found some Twinkies.” – Jimmy Fallon “President Obama has wrapped up his four-day, three-country trip to Asia. And insiders say the last 96 hours were very productive. The president said he may […]
This isn’t the first time a satirical article in The Onion has been taken for serious news, but it may be the funniest time. The Onion named North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un the “Sexiest Man Alive for 2012“. With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob […]
© Brian McFadden For your Thanksgiving-dinner-with-your-relatives enjoyment, MSNBC has a list of handy retorts to use when your Fox-News-listening uncle Gary starts spouting off his latest talking points. My favorite is number 5: When He Says: “Obama promised to be post-partisan, but he’s completely unwilling to work with Republicans.” You Say: “Obama spent all of […]
“Last night we had a rough audience, very unpleasant. And then halfway through the show they voted to secede.” — David Letterman “After the election, 20 states said they’ve got to get out. They said, ‘We can’t take it anymore,’ so 20 states are working on seceding from the United States. We’re facing real economic […]
“A decorated war hero has an affair with his own sexy biographer, who thinks the spy master is stepping out on her with a second girlfriend. So she sends an email from a secret account saying ‘step off or I will cut a bi-atch.’ And the second hottie freaks out and contacts her friends, FBI […]
from Daily Kos The campaign to put Barack Obama’s head on Mount Rushmore is gaining steam. How many conservative heads will this cause to explode?
“It was announced today that former General Petraeus has agreed to testify before Congress. I guess he figured, ‘Why not?’ Those questions can’t be any tougher than the ones he’s getting at home right now.” – Jay Leno “According to a study, there are three areas where humans now are getting dumber. High school kids. […]
“‘Skyfall,’ the number one movie at the box office this week, made over $100 million. It’s the biggest opening ever for a James Bond film. There’s not a lot of sex in the movie – it’s very downplayed. See, James Bond is just a secret agent. It’s not like he’s head of the CIA.” – […]
“Florida has finally finished counting the votes. What is wrong with Florida? Why is it so hard for the people down there to count votes? We’re talking about a state where half the population can play 10 bingo cards at the same time.” – Jay Leno “The presidential election officially ended this weekend, four days […]
“According to poll data, President Obama’s victory on Tuesday was due largely to his popularity with both college students and the unemployed. So basically Obama became President the same way Budweiser became the King of Beers.” – Seth Meyers “After this week’s election 19 women will now hold seats in the Senate, which is the […]
“I know why you’re happy tonight. Your uterus is safe for another four years. How about that? Mormon has broken, and we are black in the saddle again.” – Bill Maher “I heard an update from Con Edison, the electricity company. They said the Republicans now will be without power for the next four years.” […]
© Keef Knight As far as guilty pleasures go, it’s a pretty good one.
“I knew Obama was going to win. I knew this little secret. Use it next time there is an election and see if it doesn’t work out. The guy who wins the presidential election is usually the guy who kills bin Laden.” – David Letterman “NBC News was the first to call the election for […]
The only way this could be better is if it were a photo of Gene Wilder from Blazing Saddles.
“Congratulations to President Obama on being reelected president of the United States. Turns out it is not all bad news for the Republicans. It seems that depression is covered by Obamacare.” – Jay Leno “The long national nightmare is finally over. We have expressed our will at the polls. The results have been tallied and […]
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