Skip to content

The Flaw in the Ointment

Monday, April 18, 2011


© Chan Lowe

The GOP scheme to cynically appeal to their older base by preserving Medicare for anyone over the age of 55 — while simultaneously screwing anyone younger than that — seems to have backfired.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (11)

Late Night Political Humor

Sunday, April 17, 2011

“It’s starting to look like Donald Trump may be a serious presidential candidate. If you’re in my line of work, Trump running for president for real is the greatest thing that has ever happened.” – Conan O’Brien

“The White House is saying Donald Trump has ‘zero percent chance’ of being elected. That seems a little high.” – David Letterman

“Donald Trump insists that he is going to run for president. I guess he figures if he can pull off that hairstyle, he can do anything.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“According to a CNN poll, Trump nearly doubled his support from March. Actually, he just combed his March numbers over his current ones.” – Conan O’Brien

“In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said “I believe in god.” But of course Donald thought he was talking about himself.” – Jay Leno

“Insiders say that Trump is running for president as a publicity stunt. That’s not the Donald Trump I know.” – David Letterman

“Trump said, ‘I am Obama’s worst nightmare.’ Really? Worse than Oprah hiding in the Lincoln Bedroom in a string bikini?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“It looks like Mitt Romney will run for president. He announced that he’s forming an exploratory committee. Doesn’t that sound like something every man should have after 50?” – Jay Leno

“No! Not Captain Buzzkill! Not the guy who looks like everyone who ever fired your dad! He’s gonna suck all the fun right out of this crazy thing. Just look at the online video announcing his run. It looks like it could double as an ad for erectile dysfunction pills. ‘Mitt Romney: for when the moment’s right.'” – Jon Stewart

“Michele Bachmann referred to Planned Parenthood as the LensCrafters of abortion. Then it got worse when she referred to Massachusetts as the Sunglass Hut of gay marriage.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama said in an interview over the weekend that he really misses being anonymous. He said, “I miss Saturday mornings rolling out of bed and not shaving, going to the market…” Be careful what you wish for, 2012 is just around the corner!” – Jay Leno

“The Federal Trade Commission says for the 11th year in a row the biggest consumer complaint is identity theft, which led President Obama to say, ‘That’s why you should never show ANYONE your birth certificate.'” – Jay Leno

“Economists say sharp increases in energy and food prices could lead to higher inflation. But prices are falling on a lot of items, like Charlie Sheen tickets.” – Jay Leno

“Because of a holiday, the deadline for taxes is April 18, so you have three extra days to dig through restaurant dumpsters for receipts.” – Jimmy Kimmel

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on Late Night Political Humor

On Target

Sunday, April 17, 2011


© Lee Judge

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on On Target

Throwing Anti-Gay Rhetoric Under the Bus

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Consider long-time anti-gay activist Louis Marinelli. Last year he was the person behind the Summer for Marriage Tour sponsored by the National Organization for Marriage, literally driving the bus for a series of protests against gay marriage. But sometime during the tour, Marinelli actually started talking to some of the gay people he was supposed to hate. And it changed his world:

I really came to understand that gays and lesbians were just real people who wanted to live real lives and be treated equally as opposed to, for example, wanting to destroy American culture. No, they didn’t want to destroy American culture, they wanted to openly particulate in it.

He now supports full civil marriage equality, saying “The constitution calls for nothing less.”

It isn’t the destination that’s important, it’s the journey.

UPDATE: Despite pretending to be nice to Marinelli, behind the scenes the National Organization for Marriage is threatening to sue him unless he removes from his website the articles he wrote about NOM. Ironically, suing Marinelli would probably do more damage to NOM itself than it could do to Marinelli.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (8)

Crossing the Borders

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Borders Bookstore has filed for bankruptcy and closed 225 stores, putting 6,000 employees out of work. The company is in debt and doesn’t have enough assets to pay off its creditors.

But that didn’t stop the CEO from asking the bankruptcy judge for $8.3 million in executive bonuses, including $1.7 million for himself. That’s on top of the 87% raise he gave himself last year, even though employee raises have been frozen for several years.

Rewarding failure, one CEO at a time.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (4)

Late Night Political Humor

Saturday, April 16, 2011

“Republicans are obsessed with abortion. If they really wanted to protect the weakest, most helpless people, wouldn’t they protect the Democrats?” – Bill Maher

“I’m not going to pay taxes. When they say I’m going to prison, I’ll say no, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we’ll call it even.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today President Obama changed his slogan from ‘Yes, We Can’ to ‘Have It Your Way.'” – Bill Maher

“Republicans and Democrats have agreed to a deal. After intense negotiations, they agreed on a budget deal and a short-term funding extension to keep this country not moving forward.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“After intense last minute negotiations, a deal was reached that will avoid a government shutdown. The Democrats and Republicans worked together on this one with one common goal … to screw each other.” – David Letterman

“The good news is, the government is up and running, the same as before. The bad news is, the government is up and running, the same as before.” – Jay Leno

“I’m so glad the government is still running. If it stopped, who would give me my parking tickets – Santa?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I almost didn’t come to work today. I’m so depressed we still have a government. And we could have blamed it on the Democrats.” – Stephen Colbert

“To avoid a shutdown, the government cut $39 billion from the budget. The first thing to go was ‘Real Housewives of D.C.'” – Conan O’Brien

“The Bravo Network has canceled ‘Real Housewives of Washington, D.C.’ At last a government shutdown we can feel good about.” – Jay Leno

“Glenn Beck retired or got fired… and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?” – Bill Maher

“The only real difference between Glenn Beck and Paul Revere is that when Paul Revere told you the British were coming, they were, in fact, coming.” – Jon Stewart

“I was devastated. In fact, last night I went home and finished off a whole pint of George Soros’ Caliphate Crunch. Rum raisin with chocolate-covered micro chips.” – Jon Stewart

“It was so lovely today in New York that Charlie Sheen was bombing in the park. So beautiful Southwest Airlines put in screens. So nice in D.C. that President Obama was fanning himself with his birth certificate.” – David Letterman

“Obama said in an interview that he really misses being anonymous. If he wanted to remain anonymous he should have run for vice president.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama says he misses being anonymous. You know, back when he could blend in with the other Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obamas.” – Conan O’Brien

“A new poll shows that only 19 percent of Americans strongly approve of President Obama’s performance. The other 81 percent don’t own gas stations.” – Jay Leno

“Gas has gone up 20 cents just this week. Shouldn’t we stop calling it crude oil at this point and call it obscene oil?” – Jay Leno

“The Pentagon announced that openly gay soldiers will begin serving this summer. When people asked why this summer, the Army said, ‘Because ‘Glee’ will be in reruns.'” – Conan O’Brien

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on Late Night Political Humor

Fun Tax Day Facts

Friday, April 15, 2011

Happy Tax Day!

Taxes are one of the most politicized and misunderstood parts of our country. Both parties and the media are awash in tall tales and myths about taxes, so here are some little known but absolutely true facts to help clear things up:

  • Fox News says “47 percent of Americans don’t pay any taxes”. McCain and Palin said the same thing during the 2008 campaign. Bush’s spokesperson said “50 percent of the country gets benefits without paying for them”. Nonsense. The poor pay a higher percentage of their income for taxes than anyone. They may pay less in federal income taxes, but they pay more in payroll (Social Security) taxes, state and local taxes, gas tax, sales tax, utility taxes, etc.
  • Rand Paul says “the wealthy do pay most of the taxes in this country” claiming that the rich pay 38% of taxes. But again, he is including only federal income taxes, which is one-fifth of the taxes we pay. Our other major federal tax, payroll taxes, are capped at $106,800 of income, and so are actually regressive taxes where the poor pay a significantly higher share.
  • The federal income tax rate on the richest Americans may be 38%, but that doesn’t take into account tax shelters and loopholes that let the rich avoid paying taxes. The richest Americans actually have a lower effective tax rate (17%) than the middle class and even the poor (22.5%). And many of the richest pay no income taxes at all, like hedge-fund manager John Paulson, who made $9 billion in two years but paid zero in taxes on it. In more than one year Donald Trump has paid zero in federal income taxes.
  • The same thing is true of corporate taxes. The next time you hear someone claim that corporations pay higher taxes in the US than in other countries, remind them that while the official tax rate is higher, all those loopholes and tax shelters allow many corporations to pay zero in US taxes. The majority of multinational corporations pay no US taxes. Just recently, GE not only didn’t pay any federal taxes, we gave them money.
  • Republicans claim to hate taxes, but it looks like they love taxes on anyone except the rich. Reagan signed into law 11 tax increases against the poor and middle class, but called them “revenue enhancers”. Bush Sr. broke his ironclad promise to never raise taxes on anyone by raising taxes on children (seriously). Just four months ago, Republicans raised taxes on the least rich one-third of Americans by repealing Obama’s “Making Work Pay Credit” while at the same time demanding that tax cuts for the rich be extended. They also changed Social Security taxes, raising them for the poorest Americans while lowering them for the richest.

UPDATE: Michele Bachmann repeated the claim that the top 1% pay 40% of all federal taxes; PolitiFact rated her statement False for the same reasons given above.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (8)

Birther Redux

Friday, April 15, 2011


© Pat Oliphant

After Republicans worked so hard to let the birther nonsense die down — Karl Rove even tried to blame it on the Democrats, speculating they kept the rumors alive so Republicans would look stupid — Donald Trump stirs up the birther pot again. And that brings out all the wingnuts, including Sarah Palin, who agrees with Trump and says “more power to him“. And not to be left out, Arizona passes another idiotic law, requiring all presidential candidates to show proof of citizenship before they are allowed on state ballots.

UPDATE: Gov. Jan Brewer of Arizona takes a potentially bold step against her party’s wingnuts by vetoing the “birther bill”. It remains to be seen if the Arizona legislature will override her veto.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (14)

Late Night Political Humor

Friday, April 15, 2011

“Donald Trump said he can’t make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever — I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump said he can’t run because he has the #1 show on NBC. Which is kind of like having the nicest house in Haiti.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Maybe he should ease into this, by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump is doing well in the polls. He’s in second place among Republican voters. Among Tea Partiers, he’s in first place. Although to be fair, in the Tea Party poll, Chuck Norris is in second place and third place is an AK-47.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump came in second place in a poll asking people who they want for president. I wouldn’t get too excited. It was a poll of Democrats.” – Craig Ferguson

“If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in ‘Back to the Future 2,’ when Biff was in charge.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Democrats and Republicans in Congress are still fighting over the budget. If they can’t agree, there will be a big government shutdown. What we really need is a big government shut-up.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A lot of people wonder what a government shutdown would be like. I think a lot more people wonder what a government running properly would be like.” – Jay Leno

“If the government shuts down, all non-essential workers will stop coming to work. Here’s my question: Why do we even have non-essential workers?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“If the government shuts down, 800,000 federal workers could get a call saying they’re ‘non-essential.’ Wouldn’t it be weird if 800,000 people got the same call that I get from my dad every day?” – Conan O’Brien

“If there’s a shutdown, federal meat inspections may be delayed. In other words, Taco Bell will not be affected.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama said today that Americans are just going to have to get used to higher gas prices. To which Dick Cheney said, ‘That’s change I can believe in. I like this Obama guy.'” – Jay Leno

“The White House confirmed that President Obama got a letter from Moammar Gadhafi. They wouldn’t confirm the contents of the letter, but it did end with the question, ‘Do you like me? Check yes, no, or maybe.'” – Conan O’Brien

“One of President Obama’s oldest friends has just been arrested for soliciting a prostitute. You can tell he’s a friend of Obama’s. Although he hired the prostitute, his grandchildren are going to have to pay for it.” – Jay Leno

“A new study found that families with two daughters are the happiest. Unless, of course, their dad currently has a 42 percent approval rating.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama revealed that up until a few years ago, he was still paying off his student loans. In response, China was like, ‘Oh, so you DO know how to repay loans.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“America is producing fewer Caucasian babies. I suppose China is beating us at that too.” –Stephen Colbert

“It turns out that Bristol Palin was paid 260,000 dollars in 2009 for her work with abstinence awareness. You know what they say: Those who can’t do, teach.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Glenn Beck announced that he is ending his daily show on Fox News. He didn’t want to end it. He just ran out of conspiracy theories.” – Jay Leno

“Toyota says they’re going to start integrating Microsoft technology into their vehicles. It’s perfect for the person who wants a car that crashes every 10 minutes.” – Conan O’Brien

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on Late Night Political Humor

“It’s a good deal, but some poor people remain oddly unfucked”

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Want a quick update on the budget wars? Or just surprised that the government didn’t shut down after all? Jon Stewart explains it for you:

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments (2)

Welfare for the Rich

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Just go read Matt Taibbi’s new article “The Real Housewives of Wall Street“. Do it now. If you don’t read it, then you should lose your right to complain about any government spending.

The article details how the Fed has given out more than a trillion dollars in welfare to the rich. Free money, but only if you are stinking rich and have friends in high places. They even gave money to the wives of rich people, who then sheltered this money in the Cayman Islands.

And you don’t even have to be an American. They threw $5 billion at foreign automakers, at a time when we were trying to save US automakers, $9.6 billion to the Central Bank of Mexico, and $35 billion to the Arab Banking Corporation of Bahrain, whose majority shareholder is the Central Bank of Libya. That’s right, your tax money went to Muammar Gaddafi, the murdering tyrant of Libya.

Why didn’t you know about this? Because until now, the Fed has operated with almost complete secrecy and no oversight, even though it controls a budget almost as big as the rest of the government combined. But a new law has forced the Fed to open their books for the first time, and what we are finding is stunning. Says one senator’s aide “Our jaws are literally dropping as we’re reading this.” Yours will too.

If the Tea Party ever wanted something real to scream about, this is it.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (9)

The Result of Gridlock?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Ironically, if Congress does absolutely nothing, it will mostly solve the deficit crisis. Mainly because Bush’s tax cuts will expire automatically at the end of next year.

Share
Filed in Irony | Comments (7)

Tortured Rule of Law

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Obama taught constitutional law in Chicago, and campaigned on making respect for the rule of law one of the cornerstones of his presidency. He also promised to end the excesses of the Bush administration’s war on terrorism and increase government transparency.

And yet, his actions say otherwise. His administration has gone after whistleblowers with a vengeance, most notably Army Private First Class Bradley Manning. In fact, many legal scholars, including Laurence Tribe, who taught constitutional law to Obama at Harvard and was a legal advisor to the Obama administration until three months ago, think that the government’s treatment of Manning is illegal, unconstitutional, and could even be considered torture.

Tribe, along with more than 250 of our country’s top legal scholars have signed a letter protesting Obama’s treatment of Manning, who has been held at a military base since July and is facing a court martial on charges that he leaked classified information. The harsh treatment of Manning has also been denounced by human rights groups, including Amnesty International, and is being investigated by Congressman Dennis Kucinich and by UN Special Rapporteur on torture Juan Mendez to see if it violates US and international rules concerning the treatment of prisoners. But the military has not allowed any of them to visit with Manning without supervision and monitoring, which means that anything Manning says could be used against him during this trial.

This is the kind of treatment we used to denounce in totalitarian governments like the USSR. Things have gotten so bad that even China is criticizing US human rights abuses, and getting away with it. When did we lose the moral high ground?

Share
Filed in Hypocrisy | Comments (8)

Not Intended to Be a Factual Statement

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Even Stephen Colbert falls out of character and cracks up laughing:

Colbert followed up by tweeting more statements not intended to be factual:

Jon Kyl actually prefers Hydrox to Oreos. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl = ax2 + bx + c #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl was sent from the future to kill Sarah Conner. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl cheated on Sandra Bullock. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Jon Kyl bought a SodaStream so he could drink *carbonated* tears of the poor. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments (4)

Is this what they mean by “exploratory committee”?

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


© Tom Toles

He could look here!

Share
Filed in Humor | Comments Off on Is this what they mean by “exploratory committee”?