Skip to content

Late Night Political Humor

“I know why you’re happy. That speech Black Elvis gave in Cairo. Wow, he is Jimi Hendrix with a Teleprompter, isn’t he? He was making good on a campaign promise to reach out to the Muslim world. Let’s just hope it works better with Muslims that it did with Republicans.” – Bill Maher

“Did you see the speech? It was his longest one ever and a high degree of difficulty you’d have to say. Someone asked Obama before the address, ‘How’re you going to address this cultural women-oppressing, religious fanatics?’ And he said, ‘Same as Notre Dame.'” – Bill Maher

“President Obama impressed listeners by beginning his speech with the traditional Islamic greeting, “Salaam Aleikum.” Yeah, it’s very cool. Yeah, it was especially impressive because a year ago, President Bush opened with ‘Shalom Amigos.'” – Conan O’Brien

“It went well with Muslims around the world. They were very impressed, including Muslim Americans right here at home. One Muslim American said it gave him great hope that some day he could go through airport security without pretending to be Mexican.” – Bill Maher

“President Obama gave the speech at Egypt’s Cairo University. The crowd at Cairo University loved Obama’s speech, especially the joke he made about their rival, Cairo State. It’s a safety school.” – Conan O’Brien

“Republican Sen. Inhofe, he’s a douche bag, he said it was un-American. These guys are just jealous that when this President goes to Middle East, nobody throws a shoe at him.” – Bill Maher

“Un-American? It was intelligent; it was broad-minded; it was nuanced. Oh he’s right. It is un-American.” – Bill Maher

“I got something to tell you Mr. Inhofe, Obama’s speech was produced right here in the U.S.A and the rest of the world is buying it, which is more than I can say for General Motors.” – Bill Maher

“President Obama’s continuing his world tour. Yesterday he was in Egypt, did you see that? He visited the Pyramids of Giza. And he called them ‘awe-inspiring.’ That was an improvement over President Bush’s tour of the pyramids. He called them ‘pointy. They’re like a triangle.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Here’s something kind of cool, apparently the Obamas, the President and his wife Michelle, every Friday night they have a date. Were you aware of this? Friday night is date night for the Obamas. And last week, they came to New York City and they went to a show, and they had dinner at a restaurant and I thought, ‘Oh no, now the wife’s going to get ideas.’ But it’s interesting, a Democratic president dating his wife. You know what Bill Clinton said? When he heard about that, he said, ‘Run that by me again?'” – David Letterman

“And with all this going on, did you see what Sarah Palin said yesterday? She made a speech in Alaska and she said that the money the federal government is sending to states to help bail out, well that’s not good, because that’s the federal government getting in there and trying to ‘control people.’ Yes that’s right, Sarah, it’s all about the Federal Reserve making your daughter use a condom.” – Bill Maher

“Speaking of Republican icons, Nancy Reagan this week was in the capital to unveil a statue of her late husband, Ronald Reagan, and she had lunch at the White House with Michelle Obama. I’m not sure she really knows who Michelle Obama is, cause she told her to really dust, not just move things around.” – Bill Maher

“On this day in 1925, the Chrysler Corporation was founded and had it lived, it would be 84 years old today. Founded in 1925 and lucky for you stock is still available at 1925 prices.” – David Letterman

“The favorite show to win the musical Tony this year is a show about a former Vice President, have you seen it? ‘Cheney Get Your Gun’.” – David Letterman