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Late Night Political Humor

“They had the big beer summit earlier tonight at the White House. President Obama had a beer with Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and the policeman who arrested him. The meeting got off to a rough start when a neighbor called the police to say Gates was breaking into the White House.” – Conan O’Brien

“You know, President Obama had his so-called ‘beer summit’ at the White House this evening. It was a chance to sit down with Dr. Henry Louis Gates, the Harvard professor who was arrested after breaking into his own house, and Sergeant James Crowley, the policeman who arrested him. And there was one awkward moment, they say, when Crowley asked Obama for some ID, but he was just kidding it turned out.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Well, today — I’m so excited about this, and I think we all are — the big kegger down in Washington at the White House. The big beer party. They’re having the big beer party to celebrate the last day of finals.” – David Letterman

“Vice President Biden showed up too. I did not know he was going to be a part of it. I guess they wanted to even things out racially.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Here’s who’s going to be there — Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sergeant James Crowley, meeting with Barack Obama over beers. And I understand we had a spy down there looking in. It went so well that Vice President Biden had to go out twice for ice.” – David Letterman

“President Obama held his first beer summit at the White House today. Obama wanted Bud Light, Crowley wanted Blue Moon, Gates wanted a Red Stripe, and Joe Biden wanted whatever fits in his beer helmet.” – Jimmy Fallon

“But they sat around a table in the Rose Garden, and drank. And I’m starting to think the President cooked this whole thing up because he didn’t want to ask Michelle if he could have a poker night or something.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I wonder if somebody like Bush had invited Saddam Hussein over to the White House, if we could have just settled that whole thing without all the bloodshed and violence.” – David Letterman

“But Obama really cut loose at the kegger. He was wearing baggy dad jeans and sipping a Bud Lite.” – David Letterman

“The beer summit was good. But we all know that the best stuff goes down at the after summit.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Things really went nuts at the kegger and about 8:00, everybody was a little tipsy, and they drunk dialed Ben Bernanke.” – David Letterman

“And then things got completely out of hand and everybody took a leak in the Rose Garden.” – David Letterman

“Everybody in Washington, DC, helped out to make the big kegger quite a success. And I thought this was nice. To show that there are no hard feelings anywhere, toward the end of the evening, Bill Clinton, former President Bill Clinton, that Bill Clinton, brought over a stripper.” – David Letterman

“Obama wants to make this a regular thing. He’s already invited Ahmadinejad over for Appletinis.” – Jimmy Fallon

“And I guess next week, Obama is going sit down with Jon and Kate to see if he can’t patch that up too.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Pardon me if I slur a little tonight. I have been at the White House, doing beer bongs with the President.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Tomorrow morning will heretofore be known as Racial Harmony Hangover Day.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Sarah Palin announced she’s leaving as governor of Alaska and everybody said ‘Well, what is she going to do?’ She wants to host a radio show, like a daily talk show. And of course, with that, she’s going to have to tell people when she’s winking.” – David Letterman

“That’s right, another ranting radio host. Cut me a slice of that, will you? Let’s go.” – David Letterman

“Conservatives are criticizing Time magazine because they put President Obama on the cover for the 12th time in the last year. Not only that, every week since Obama was elected, he’s been on the cover of Black President Magazine.” – Conan O’Brien

“This is true, though. This is Obama’s 12th appearance on the cover of Time magazine. And this beats President Bush’s record of 11 appearances on the cover of Mad magazine.” – Conan O’Brien

“Barack Obama is always talking about healthcare and you got the big healthcare bill and is it going to pass? And nobody knows and everybody is upset about it. We’re worried about healthcare. I myself am concerned about healthcare because all week long I have been sick. I go to the doctor and tell him what my symptoms are. And he is conducting an examination and he says, ‘I am sorry, Mr. Dave, I have no tongue depressor. Do you mind if I use my pocket comb?'” – David Letterman

“The schedule for next year’s Iowa caucuses has been announced. And Jewish voters are upset because the caucus is being held on Saturday, which means they can’t attend. This could reduce the number of voters in the Iowa caucus by almost two.” – Conan O’Brien

“This week, Fox commenter Glenn Beck said that President Obama ‘has a deep-seated hatred for white people and white culture.’ Very controversial. In the President’s defense, the White House cited the time Obama had John Tesh over to play Scattergories.” – Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, Vice President, Joe Biden held a series of closed door meetings. Not because they were secret. He just couldn’t figure out how to open the door.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Earlier this week — this is weird, I just found out about this — Shaquille O’Neal stopped by the White House unannounced to see President Obama, but a Secret Service agent turned him away. That really happened. The agent told Shaq to make an appointment and to someday make a free throw.” – Conan O’Brien

“Interesting announcement just came out. Next month, a 95-year-old Crow Indian chief will receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom. When asked about it, the chief said, ‘Great, that should pretty much make up for everything.'” – Conan O’Brien


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. The Melting Pot Project on Tuesday, August 4, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    At Least Cartman Will Be Happy…

    …although Iowa’s caucus decision actually helps out late night hosts, too. Just ask Conan: The schedule for next year’s Iowa caucuses has been announced. And Jewish voters are upset because the caucus is being held on Saturday, which means they……