Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor and Nameless Enemy has announced his plans to become the new figurehead of the US Tea Party movement, ousting Sarah Palin from her unofficial role.
In a statement released from the Dark Tower yesterday, he said he will abandon his frankly childish vendetta against anyone named Baggins and instead encourage his supporters – mostly orcs – to get behind him in supporting the Tea Party cause of small government.
‘I, your imperial master and Lord of Mordor, have long been opposed to the imposition of a large, distant bureaucratic state that governs the affairs of ordinary American citizens to their detriment.’
With the support of former wizard Saruman, the self-proclaimed Lord of the Rings is considered to be a shoo-in for the next Republican candidate for North Carolina.
“2014 – or 77352 in the year of Ealendil as I like to think of it – will be our year!” the Witch-King of Angmar, Sauron’s media coordinator told a group of journalists and trolls.
“Oh, and please let me clear up one point: just because Lord Sauron has a backgound in laying waste huge areas, burning homesteads and ruling with an iron fist and with fear as his ally, that doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t also a Republican, a churchgoer and a family man, God Bless America!”