[reprinted from Margaret and Helen]
Margaret, isn’t this an amazing country we live in? Anyone can grow up and run for President no matter how many animals they slept with. Who saw Rick Santorum making that big of a comeback? I guess the same people who championed Michele Bachman, then Rick Perry, then Herman Cain, then Newton Leroy Gingrich… Gosh it’s hard to swallow that Romney pill. Taking Santorum to avoid Romney. Iowa, are you crazy?
I guess you can’t be all that crazy because you saw through Rick Perry. I can only hope that Texans will finally realize what Iowans figured out in a few short months – Rick Perry is all hat and no cattle. I only wish Rick would stay in Iowa rather than come back to Texas and “assess” the ass-whipping he just took. The big man from Texas edged out Michele “Jesus Said I Could” Bachmann and Jon “The Other Mormon” Huntsman. How do Republicans in Texas face themselves in the morning?
But really you do have to like that Michele Bachmann. What a loveable little loon she is. Totally clueless and still heading on to New Hampshire. I like her spunk, but she’s no Sarah Palin. ( I miss putting lipstick on that pig. ) At least you could laugh at Sarah’s stupidity. With Michele, I just feel sorry for her. She takes those voices in her head seriously. And those voices are telling her that people in New Hampshire are stupid enough to vote for her. She really should give it up and join Cain on the sidelines for some pizza. I’m pretty sure Perry already placed his order for a large, thin curst with extra crow – oops I meant sausage.
And Newt, honey, politics is a messy business. It doesn’t matter how many negative ads were run about you. They didn’t change a thing. People have thought you were an ass for a long time now. Go home, honey. You’ve sold a ton of books. Go home and give that current wife some new jewelry from Tiffany’s and order yourself a meat lovers to go.
So that leaves us with Romney, Paul and Santorum. Three wise men who couldn’t find a star on a moonless night much less a family of three in a manger. And even if they could, Romney wouldn’t be able to decide on which star to follow; Paul would want to argue about the price of gold, frankincense and myrrh; and Santorum would be too busy molesting the cattle lowing in the stable.
Folks, let’s get serious. Since 2008 we’ve reduced our wars by 50%, avoided another Great Depression, advanced women’s rights in the workplace, ended Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and passed a law intended to provide healthcare for the sick and the poor. Not bad for a Muslim born in Kenya. Republicans not wanting to re-elect Obama isn’t exactly newsworthy. They like war and they hate gays, women and those damn government-cheese-sucking poor people. But wanting to put Rick Santorum in the White House? He thinks birth control should be outlawed. Without birth control you’re going to have more government-cheese-sucking poor people.
This is how the Republican Party recovers from nominating Sarah Palin as VP? Honey, that man-on-dog just don’t hunt. If this pack is truly the best your party has to offer, maybe you should consider a new party – one where they don’t serve tea.
Forget 2012 and nominate a serious candidate in 2016. I mean it. Really.