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Late Night Political Humor

“Today is the multi-state primary known as ‘Super Tuesday.’ It’s going to be followed tomorrow by ‘Now we’re really stuck with Romney Wednesday.’” – Conan O’Brien

“With Super Tuesday coming up… there is not much time left until all conservatives are obliged to bury our feelings and find Mitt Romney attractive.” – Stephen Colbert

“It’s like the Super Bowl of politics — if the Super Bowl was one team slowly destroying itself.” – Stephen Colbert

“Ten states had their big primaries. Everyone says the big money’s on Mitt Romney. I mean literally. He’s so rich that money oozes from his pores.” – Craig Ferguson

“Mitt Romney’s been out on the campaign trail even though he’s suffering from a terrible cold. I’m not surprised he’s sick. It’s very unsanitary to keep putting your foot in your mouth like that.” – Craig Ferguson

“It didn’t help matters that Romney kept blowing his nose into $100 bills.” – Craig Ferguson

“This week in Ohio, Mitt Romney has been trying to present himself as a blue-collar candidate. … Unfortunately it doesn’t help that his opening line is ‘Hello, my fellow peasants.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Romney spent five and a half million bucks on TV advertising in the Super Tuesday states. Meanwhile, Ron Paul put a sticker on a light pole.” – Craig Ferguson

“As of tomorrow, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum all get Secret Service protection. Meanwhile, Ron Paul will get a can of mace.” – Conan O’Brien

“In several Super Tuesday states, a third of the voters still believe that President Obama was born in a foreign country. Yeah. These are the same people who think that Super Tuesday is Superman’s birthday.” – Conan O’Brien

“Good point, Rush. She’s a slut and a prostitute? That’s two jobs and she still can’t afford her own birth control? Come on.” –Stephen Colbert (on the Sandra Fluke controversy)