[by Andy Borowitz. Reprinted from The Borowitz Report.]
Bachmann Claims White House Has Links to Extremist Group Called Democrats
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — Representative Michele Bachmann (R., Minn.) stirred controversy today by claiming that several key members of the Obama Administration had links to a shadowy extremist group called the Democratic Party.
While Representative Bachmann produced no evidence to back up her charges, she said she had proof that “members of this sinister cabal have infested the highest echelons of our government to take away our guns and replace them with gay health care.”
Representative Bachmann said that the member of the Administration with the closest ties to the organization is Secretary of State Hillary Clinton: “I have it on good authority that she is related to a former leader of the group.”
The Minnesota Congressperson’s shocking accusations drew widespread calls for her to back down, from such disparate quarters as Senator John McCain (R., Ariz.) and the National Institute of Mental Health.
“Congresswoman Bachmann’s comments are baseless, irresponsible, and beneath contempt,” said Senator McCain. “Having said that, I think I would have chosen her as my running mate over Mitt Romney.”
Speaker of the House John Boehner said that he now regretted making Representative Bachmann a member of the Intelligence Committee, calling that decision “an example of a good-natured prank that went too far.”
Despite the controversy swirling around her, however, Representative Bachmann refused to cave: “I don’t know the meaning of the word surrender. Also, science, math, apple, and cat.”
[Note, the Borowitz Report has moved to The New Yorker, something that would have made Andy’s mom very happy.]