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Late Night Political Humor

“Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney hold their final debate in Boca Raton, Florida. The topic of the debate is what is more shocking to see in Boca Raton, a Mormon or a black guy.” – Conan O’Brien

“Tonight is the third and final presidential debate between former Governor Mitt Romney and future former President Barack Obama. Now I’m TiVoing it, so nobody tell me whether the moderate or conservative Romney kicked the lethargic or energetic Obama’s ass.” – Stephen Colbert

“The final presidential debate was held tonight in Boca Raton, Florida, and was moderated by 75-year-old Bob Schieffer from CBS News. That’s right, 75 years old – or as Florida residents call that, ‘a tween’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Today is the last presidential debate. It was moderated by newsman Bob Schieffer. I think he did a great job, but gave too much time to ‘candidate you disagree with,’ and he didn’t let ‘the guy who should be president’ respond to those ‘outrageous lies or important points, depending on your point of view’.” – Craig Ferguson

“Tonight was the third and final presidential debate. The good news? Tonight was the third and final presidential debate.” – Jay Leno

“Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney debate foreign policy. Pundits say it will be close, but it will probably go to the candidate who wore the ‘I killed Osama bin Laden’ T-shirt.” – Conan O’Brien

“Pundits are saying Mitt Romney won the first debate, and the second debate probably was won by President Obama. Whoever wins the third debate, held tonight, will meet the Tigers in the World Series.” – David Letterman

“The debates made it to three episodes. That makes it NBC’s most successful show so far this season.” – Jay Leno

“Oh please, Mr. President. Everyone plays by the same set of rules — and at the end of the game the rich flip over the board and yell, “I win!” – Stephen Colbert

“Donald Trump said he has a “very big” announcement about President Obama that could cost him the election. Yeah, he’s going to endorse him.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump says he will reveal big news about President Obama on Wednesday. Trump said he would have announced it sooner, but faking a Kenyan birth certificate is harder than it looks.” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump has a big announcement regarding President Obama. Apparently he has evidence that Obama was born in ‘Romnesia’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“So far for Halloween, sales of Obama masks are 30 percent higher than the sales of Mitt Romney masks. That makes sense. I mean, what’s scarier than four more years of this economy?” – Jay Leno

“Democratic self-loathing has gotten so bad, they’ve changed their symbol … to Eeyore eating a whole cheesecake.” – Stephen Colbert

“Latest polls among registered voters show six percent are undecided. Pick one, come on! Those are the guys you see in the Baskin-Robbins asking for free samples.” – David Letterman