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Late Night Political Humor

“Did you see the debate last night? It was the same stuff, but here’s what was different. In the first debate they were at podiums. The second debate, it was stools. Last night, chairs and desks. The next debate – yoga mats.” – David Letterman

“Last night’s debate was held in Boca Raton, Florida. Romney actually has a three-point lead among Florida voters. Of course, he still faces a major obstacle — making sure those voters are still alive for the election.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Last night the debate was all about the undecideds, but here’s what happened. The undecideds decided not to watch.” – David Letterman

“Did you all watch the debate last night? I have to admit, I was one of those undecideds. I couldn’t decide whether to watch the baseball game or the football game.” – Jay Leno

“During last night’s debate, moderator Bob Schieffer mistakenly referred to Osama bin Laden as ‘Obama bin Laden.’ Everyone at CBS news was really embarrassed, while Fox News was like, ‘We’ll take him!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“That was some debate last night. At one point moderator Bob Schieffer said ‘Obama bin Laden.’ It was right before he called Romney ‘Adolf Mittler’.” – Jay Leno

“Last night President Obama finally found a Republican who agreed with him — Mitt Romney.” – Jay Leno

“After the debate last night, experts agreed that President Obama won on substance and I thought: Well, big deal, Lance Armstrong won on several substances.” – David Letterman

“One of President Obama’s winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if anyone knows how to cripple an economy, it’s President Obama.” – Jay Leno

“Today a poll found that President Obama won last night’s debate among a voting block known as ‘Walmart moms’. And Mitt Romney won the debate according to a voting block that wouldn’t be caught dead at Walmart.” – Jay Leno

“During last night’s debate, President Obama told Mitt Romney, ‘The 1980s called and they want their foreign policy back.’ Romney tried to deliver a comeback but then his beeper went off.” – Jay Leno

“As part of a new ‘transparency series,’ McDonald’s is releasing videos that show how its food is made. It involves horses and bayonets.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Obama and Romney aren’t the only people running for president. A number of other candidates faced off in a debate tonight in Chicago moderated by Larry King, who was the only person anyone knew on the stage.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A lot of crazy rumors are starting to surface about the two candidates. A man is claiming that President Obama used and sold cocaine in college. On the bright side, if this is true, it means Obama does have business experience.” – Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney is so rich he hired extra housekeepers just to launder his money.” – David Letterman

“Donald Trump announced that he will announce something big tomorrow, some very big news about President Obama. So it must be big news because it isn’t like him to make a big deal out of something that isn’t news.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump is promising an October surprise tomorrow. Typically that’s a shocking news story that can change the outcome of an election. At this point I don’t know what information Trump could have. Will he reveal that Obama is the guy that has been styling his hair for the last 20 years? That could be bad for Obama.” – Jimmy Kimmel