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White House Accidentally Orders Drone Strike on Fox News Headquarters

[excerpted from Free Wood Post]

On Thursday, at approximately 2:37 AM, members of the Joint Chiefs alerted President Obama that the Drone Strike System or DSS had activated and that several fully armed drones had been sent to deal with an “immediate threat to national security”. The President, realizing the system’s mistake was able to abort the attack just seconds before missiles would have destroyed the headquarters for the conservative media outlet.

Surprisingly, the strike was not the fault of a programming error. The DSS monitors more than 10,000 specific threat characteristics to determine if an immediate response is necessary. If the system deems that the threat is imminent and that immediate action is vital to protect the nation, it will preemptively launch a strike. “DSS worked the way it was supposed to”, states Chief Engineer Chip Boolean. “Fox hit over 90% of the key threat characteristics created by the Department of Defense.” Some of the threat characteristics picked up by the system included direct threats to the President of the United States, supporting hate groupsperpetuating racism and spreading untruthful propaganda to facilitate public disharmony. Concluded Boolean, “Once Fox hit 9,000 of the 10,000 threat characteristics, the system engaged. Fox News runs 24-hours a day so, DSS saw the threat as imminent and acted accordingly. I would like to clarify that contrary to speculation, one of the threat characteristics was not the canceling of Joss Whedon’s brilliant TV show Firefly in 2002.”



  1. Joé McKen wrote:

    That was awesome. Too bad the original seems to have been taken down, though.

    Tuesday, April 2, 2013 at 10:15 am | Permalink
  2. Iron Knee wrote:

    I’m not having any problems accessing it —

    Tuesday, April 2, 2013 at 2:13 pm | Permalink
  3. Michael wrote:

    “Chip Boolean.” I love it.

    Tuesday, April 2, 2013 at 3:52 pm | Permalink
  4. Anonymous wrote:

    I want a ‘like’ button!

    Wednesday, April 3, 2013 at 9:20 pm | Permalink