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Late Night Political Humor

“The Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act. How about that? We don’t need a Defense of Marriage Act. What we need in this country is a marriage cap. You’re allowed three, and after that, you’re done.” – Jay Leno

“The Supreme Court has ruled the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Once someone explains this to me I’m sure I’ll be thrilled about it. Listen to what happened. Earlier today, Rush Limbaugh’s head exploded.” – David Letterman

“If DOMA is unconstitutional that means the Constitution is gay. Of course, no real shocker. It was written by a bunch of dudes in wigs in the City of Brotherly Love, and it calls for a legislature that’s bicameral. It’s a bit curious. Plus, look at that aged parchment and fancy calligraphy. It looks like a gay wedding invitation.” – Stephen Colbert

“Until this morning, marriage in the united states was defined as a contract between one man, one woman and the producers of The Bachelor.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Same-sex married couples are now entitled to the same benefits as other married couples. That’s great news for the Lone Ranger and Tonto, Batman and Robin, Abercrombie and Fitch, Ben and Jerry, me and Paul.” – David Letterman

“Bill Clinton hailed the court’s decision today, even though he signed the Defense of Marriage Act into law. But in fairness to Clinton, he didn’t totally understand the law. When he signed the bill, he thought the Defense of Marriage Act was defending marriage as though it was really just an act.” – Jay Leno

“The next issue for the Supreme Court is defense of a Kardashian marriage.” – David Letterman

“In New York, the new front-runner in the New York City mayor’s race is Anthony Weiner. Some analysts say it’s due to name recognition. Actually, I think a few people recognize more than just his name.” – Conan O’Brien

“According to the polls, Anthony Weiner is the favorite to become the next mayor of New York City. How many of you have seen the Weiner poll? Anthony Weiner is out front. Isn’t that what got him into trouble in the first place? It’ll be a long campaign. All the guy has to do is stick it out. I hope the guy doesn’t get cocky. Weiner has a firm lead and his popularity is swelling.” – David Letterman

“The term ‘Big Brother’ is from George Orwell’s book ‘1984’ – where everyone’s watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I’ve never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn’t that more like ‘Creepy Uncle’?” – Craig Ferguson


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