Skip to content

Late Night Political Humor

“How about that senator from Texas, Ted Cruz. He gets a hold of the microphone on the floor of the Senate and he starts yakking for 21 hours. I’m telling you, that government shutdown certainly looks pretty good now, doesn’t it?” – David Letterman

“Well, that’s easy for you to take that kind of physical risk – you’ve got government health care.” – Jon Stewart (on Ted Cruz speaking for 21 hours)

“Texas Senator Ted Cruz had quite a day yesterday. To protest a government bill that would fund Obamacare, he decided to take the floor of the Senate and keep speaking until he was no longer able to stand – at which point he would collapse, be taken to the hospital and be treated for exhaustion by Obamacare.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“At one point Ted Cruz takes out ‘Green Eggs and Ham’. He reads a kiddy book. The message he was sending there, I think, is that Obamacare will only cover visits to Dr. Seuss.” – David Letterman

“Ted Cruz read “Green Eggs and Ham” aloud. That has now replaced jumping on Oprah’s couch as the weirdest thing done by a Cruz on television.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“So to express your opposition to Obamacare, you go to the book about a stubborn jerk who decides he hates something before he’s tried it, and when he finally gets a taste, he has to admit after he’s tasted it, ‘This is pretty fucking good’.” – Jon Stewart

“Tea party Senator Ted Cruz gave a 21-hour speech on the floor of the Senate. During his protest, Cruz actually read from the book ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ by Dr. Seuss. Democrats were like, ‘When will this end?’ But then Chris Christie said, ‘When do we get those eggs and ham?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“In his effort to try to stop Obamacare, Texas Senator Ted Cruz spoke for 21 hours and 19 minutes nonstop. That’s impressive, but still eight hours short of the record held when somebody asked Joe Biden, ‘Hey, what’s new?'” – Jay Leno

“In the end after 21 hours of railing against Obamacare, Cruz ended up voting the same way as all other senators. His speech didn’t accomplish anything. But it was a big event for C-SPAN – so big that they’re planning to run it again as a special over the weekend.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“21 hours of listening to Ted Cruz. How awful is that? Still not as bad as 21 hours of a Carnival cruise.” – Jay Leno

“Despite all of the controversy, President Obama says he’s still moving forward with the healthcare law. In fact, the White House announced that residents of Florida will have 102 different insurance options when Obamacare rolls out. That’s because if there’s one thing people in Florida love, it’s a confusing number of options.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Breaking Bad” airs its final episode on Sunday. It’s about a chemistry teacher who has cancer and starts making meth to help cover his medical bills and provide for his family. Or as Republicans call that, a legitimate alternative to Obamacare.” – Jay Leno