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Late Night Political Humor

“Happy Earth Day. Earth Day was founded in 1970. It’s the one day of the year we tell the Earth we love it. With the other 364 days we try to kill it.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today is Earth Day. It’s the day we celebrate the ‘three Rs:’ Reduce, reuse, and, uh, Retweet? I don’t know.” – Jimmy Fallon

“After what we have done to it, it is almost disrespectful to have an Earth Day. It’s like lice declaring a Head Day.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today is Earth Day. At least according to the guy who saw me throw a banana peel in the blue trash can.” – Seth Meyers

“In honor of Earth Day, Apple announced that it will recycle all of its used products for free. That’s right, they’re recycling Apple products. And then Samsung said, ‘Beat you to it.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Apple will recycle its used products for free. That’s not to be confused with what Apple normally does – when it recycles its old ideas for $600.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Stephen Colbert is here, ladies and gentlemen. He’s here. He just dropped by to sign the lease.” – David Letterman

“I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but Stephen Colbert will be taking over the show sometime next year – pending the physical.” – David Letterman

“The Christian Science Monitor is claiming ‘Hillary Clinton will be a tad less interested in running for president now that she’s about to be a grandmother.’ And if you put a grain of sand in your pocket there’s a tad less sand on the beach.” – Seth Meyers

“President Obama’s approval rating is on the rise. It was 39 percent in November. It is up to 45 percent. His approval rating has gone from terrible to slightly less terrible.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Joe Biden said the U.S. will help Ukraine with financial aid as long as the leaders tackle corruption. Because if anything stops corruption, it’s bribing someone to stop corruption.” – Jimmy Fallon


One Comment

  1. Dan wrote:

    The first quote reminds me of Tom Lehrer’s excellent Christmas Carol, which contains the following verse:

    On christmas day you can’t get sore,
    Your fellow man you must adore,
    There’s time to rob him all the more
    The other three hundred and sixty-four.


    Saturday, May 3, 2014 at 7:56 pm | Permalink