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Late Night Political Humor

“Rand Paul is officially running for president. He even revealed his campaign slogan, which is ‘Defeat the Washington machine. Unleash the American dream.’ It’s hard to tell if he’s running for president or doing an infomercial for Bowflex.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Rand Paul announced he is running for president and bloggers pointed out that his campaign symbol, a small flame, looks nearly identical to the logo for the dating app Tinder. It’s appropriate because in either case you have no idea what you’re getting into and it probably won’t work out.” – Seth Meyers

“Election officials say that in 2016, it may be possible to vote for the president on your smartphone. Can you imagine that? With one swipe you can choose a president and at the same time tell him or her where you want to hook up.” – Conan O’Brien

“A massive power outage in Washington, D.C., today affected a number of federal buildings, including the White House. When asked when they could restore power to the White House, officials said, ‘2016?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Former Vice President Dick Cheney has a new book coming out that slams president Obama. You can buy the book from Amazon or download the version directly from Cheney’s heart.” – Conan O’Brien

“The top 15 contenders for the Republican nomination own at least 40 guns among them. If we elect a Republican president no one is hopping over the White House fence ever again.” – Conan O’Brien

“British Prime Minister David Cameron is facing criticism from working-class voters after he was caught on camera today eating a hot dog with a knife and fork. And he got criticism from wealthy voters because he used a hamburger fork.” – Seth Meyers


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