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Late Night Political Humor

“Tonight was the first Democratic debate on CNN. And get this, they actually had an extra podium ready in case Joe Biden decided he’d join the race. Which backfired when before the debate even started people were like, ‘Could we just vote for the empty podium?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“They were keeping a spare podium open for Joe Biden in case he decided to enter the race at the last minute, as if he’s going to walk in and shock everyone like a Spanish soap opera or something.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“CNN kept an extra podium set aside at tonight’s Democratic debate in case Vice President Joe Biden had decided to announce his candidacy, and now the empty podium is pulling ahead of Martin O’Malley.” – Seth Meyers

“Tonight on CNN was the mildly anticipated first debate between the Democratic candidates. If you were in Vegas tonight you get to see Elton John, Donny and Marie, the Judds, or you can go and see the presidential debate. There’s really something for everyone.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“CNN has been running a countdown clock to this debate for days now. They got a huge audience for the Republican debate because of Donald Trump but this one doesn’t have a Donald Trump. This one has Bernie Sanders who looks like he’s on the verge of being alive. So they had to find a way to drum up excitement.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I’m sure many of you watched the first Democratic presidential debate over on CNN. CNN released where the candidates would be standing on the stage. Hillary Clinton was in the center. Bernie Sanders was on her right, making it the first time in history he’s been to the right of anyone.” – Stephen Colbert

“One of Bernie Sanders’ campaign advisers said they wanted him to tone down his yelling at tonight’s debate. You could tell he was yelling too much because I had to keep turning the volume UP to hear the commercials.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Then there are the three other candidates: Governor Martin O’Malley, Senator Jim Webb and Governor Lincoln Chafee. Little-known fact about Lincoln Chafee: Anything.” – Stephen Colbert

“Trump didn’t have too many nice things to say about the Democratic debate. In fact, he said he thinks people would turn on the Democratic debate for a few minutes and then fall asleep. Then CNN was like, ‘Hey, that still counts! Ratings are ratings! Just leave it on! We don’t care.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump asked a young man who appeared to be Asian-American if he was from South Korea, to which the man replied, ‘I was born in Texas.’ Trump was so embarrassed that his face turned red 20 years ago.” – Seth Meyers

“Trump also said yesterday that as a politician, you have to get along with everybody. And then he retired from politics.” – Seth Meyers

“A new analysis of recent political speeches found that George W. Bush actually used longer and more complex words in his speeches than President Obama does. Granted none of those words were actually in the dictionary. ‘Don’t be condescencious. My vocablulation is completely misunderestimated.'” – Jimmy Fallon