Skip to content

Late Night Political Humor

“Let’s talk about Donald Trump, because we do it every night. He said that he may skip the next Republican debate on CNN unless the network pays him $5 million. But CNN laughed it off, saying, ‘We don’t have $5 million.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“CNN was like, ‘Fine, we’ll just let Jeb Bush talk for two hours — oh my God, where do we send the check?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump was in Macon, Georgia, this week. Again, he suggested that CNN should pay to get him to come to the next debate. He’s treating the Republican primary like it’s an entertainment show and he is the star – which, let’s be honest, he is kind of exactly. It’s like ‘Celebrity Apprentice,’ but with even worse celebrities.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“What Donald Trump should do is start firing his opponents one by one every week. Ted Cruz, you’re fired.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Of course CNN’s not just going to give Donald Trump $5 million. They’re not his dad, they’re a news network. You know that if Donald Trump wins we are going to have a Kardashian as president one day, right? It’s the only logical step forward.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“After years of being banned, Adolf Hitler’s ‘Mein Kampf’ is headed back to German bookstores. The new edition has a foreword by Donald Trump.” – Conan O’Brien

“We’re into December and Donald Trump is still running for president, which I don’t even think even he expected would happen. According to a new Quinnipiac University poll, Trump is in first place among Republicans with 27 percent of the vote; Marco Rubio is in second place at 17 percent; Ben Carson is fast asleep somewhere, dreaming of sugarplums.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In an interview with Charlie Rose yesterday, Hillary Clinton admitted that she has Wall Street connections, but said that she can’t be bribed with campaign donations. Then Hillary said, ‘And especially they can’t bribe me at Hillary for America, P.O. Box 526, New York, New York, don’t even think of sending money there, this weekend.'” – Jimmy Fallon