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Late Night Political Humor

“After doing poorly in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, Jeb Bush announced that he’s dropping out of the race. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz are both hoping to pick up Jeb’s supporters. Then Jeb said, ‘Joke’s on you — I didn’t have any supporters!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“George W. Bush was a little confused why Jeb quit because he was losing. Because as far as George W. Bush is concerned, you still become president even when you don’t get the most votes.” ” – James Corden

“Jeb Bush has dropped out of the presidential race. When reached for comment he said, ‘Oh NOW you wanna talk to me?!'” – Seth Meyers

“Jeb Bush spent $130 million and didn’t win a single state. Jeb spent yesterday commiserating with his campaign manager Nicolas Cage.” – Conan O’Brien

Jeb Bush announced that he will suspend his presidential campaign after it failed to meet expectations. And you just know that Jeb’s in therapy right now, saying, ‘My brother was a two-term president. And I lost to the guy who fired Bret Michaels on ‘The Apprentice’.” – James Corden

“John Kasich over the weekend said lots of women have left their kitchens to work on his campaign. Yeah, that will certainly help the upcoming election of 1956.” – James Corden

“A photo has emerged from the 1960s of Bernie Sanders getting arrested during a civil rights protest. Meanwhile, another photo emerged from the ’60s that shows Donald Trump’s wife, Melania, not being born yet.” – Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump won this weekend in Nevada and South Carolina, respectively. Because Americans are ready for compassionate, principled, experienced leadership OR the opposite.” – Seth Meyers

“The other big news is that Donald Trump won all 50 delegates in Saturday’s South Carolina primary. So if you’re paying attention, this is the official point when people go from saying, ‘Oh, this is kinda fun!’ to saying, ‘Oh my God, this is really happening!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump was declared the big winner in the South Carolina primary by himself weeks ago, and the voters said, ‘Yeah! OK! That sounds good!’ So now the obvious question is, will he ever not win? Yes, Trump is unstoppable. He’s like Godzilla with less foreign policy experience.” – Stephen Colbert

“After winning in South Carolina, Donald Trump boasted that he got the votes of ‘tall people, short people, fat people and skinny people.’ Then Trump said he ‘got some votes in a box’ and ‘some votes from a fox’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Analysts say that Donald Trump’s GOP rivals are running out of time to defeat him. This is not according to the electoral schedule — it’s according to the Book of Revelations.” – Conan O’Brien

“I thought he was just doing this to promote his reality show or sell more steaks. When he announced his intention to be president, it never occurred to me that his end game was to BE president.” – Stephen Colbert

“While Donald Trump was speaking at a rally in Atlanta, the lights suddenly went out and Trump said he actually liked it more in the dark. Then Melania Trump said, ‘Join the club’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“When asked about the possibility that Mexico might not agree to pay for his border wall, Donald Trump said, ‘The wall just got 10 feet higher’. People in Mexico were like, ‘OK, well, our tunnels are exactly the same.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Reverend Al Sharpton called Donald Trump the ‘white Don King’. Today, Sharpton apologized and said, ‘I’m sorry, I meant the orange Don King’.” – Conan O’Brien