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Late Night Political Humor

“We’re just three days away from the big Democratic debate right here in New York. And both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders have been busy campaigning throughout the city. Bernie even had some time to see the Broadway show ‘Hamilton’ with his wife. Though it got awkward when Bernie stood up and said, ‘I knew Alexander Hamilton! And you sir, are no Alexander Hamilton!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders and his wife, on Friday, saw the hit Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’. Sanders said afterwards, ‘That’s not how I remember it.'” – Seth Meyers

“Bernie Sanders visited Coney Island yesterday. And somehow, after he rode the roller coaster, his hair was neater.” – Seth Meyers

“Bernie Sanders said on Friday that his goal for financial reform is to ‘make banking boring again’. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, let’s just make elections boring again.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders won this weekend’s Wyoming caucus, which was his seventh win in a row over Hillary Clinton. Clinton said she’s still not worried. But it was hard to understand her through the wallet she was biting.” – Seth Meyers

“We are now four days away from Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders’ Thursday night debate in Brooklyn, which means Hillary’s already tried 600 different ways to ask, ‘Is Brooklyn in the house?'” – Seth Meyers

“A car owned by Hillary Clinton is up for sale. Like Hillary, the car has been hit from all sides and lately has been starting to stall.” – Conan O’Brien

“Hotel and casino tycoon Steve Wynn is under fire after he said, ‘Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.’ In related news, Donald Trump needs a new opening line for his inauguration speech.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump’s very upset lately about the election, or lack of an election, in Colorado. In Colorado, they don’t have a primary or a caucus because they’re too high to vote.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Colorado has a month-long process of local meetings where they just meet and choose the delegates. Somehow Ted Cruz made a clean sweep, he got all of them. So Trump criticized the process. Trump says the Republican Party is trying to slow his momentum by using what he called crooked shenanigans, which are the worst kind of shenanigans.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Why do I have a feeling if Donald Trump doesn’t win he’s going to sue all of us?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“According to reports, two of Donald Trump’s children will not be able to vote at New York’s primary because they failed to register before the deadline. So I guess you just lost two votes, Ted Cruz.” – Seth Meyers

“Sen. Lindsey Graham said in an interview last week that if he can support Ted Cruz, anybody can do it. You know it’s bad when your best endorsement sounds like a bad diet plan.” – Jimmy Fallon