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Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from May 18, 2016]

“Megyn Kelly interviewed Donald Trump last night. The important thing is that wounds have been healed, which is good. It was difficult to watch Donald and her fight. It’s hard to watch a fight between two people with such similar hair styles.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Fox News host Megyn Kelly addressed rumors about Donald Trump’s hair in a new interview and said, ‘It’s not a wig and it’s not a comb-over, either.’ So, what is it? It’s a mystery, wrapped in a riddle, inside an enigma.” – Seth Meyers

“Last night, Fox premiered its new reality dating show ‘Coupled’. I watched it for ten minutes and I thought, these two are not going to make it. Then I realized I was watching the Megyn Kelly-Donald Trump interview.” – Jimmy Fallon

“A new poll has 87 percent of Republicans supporting Trump. The other 13 percent are currently standing on bridges looking vacantly into the distance.” – Stephen Colbert

“It seems Donald Trump is integrating himself into the Republican Party establishment, and making amends with those he steamrolled during the race, including the increasingly sleepy Dr. Ben Carson.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“He is slowly unifying the Republican Party. All it took was no other options.” – Stephen Colbert

“In a recent interview, ‘Shark Tank’ host Mark Cuban predicted that if Donald Trump is elected, it would be bad news for Wall Street. And in related news, Donald Trump just got endorsed by Bernie Sanders.” – Jimmy Fallon

“On the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders won Oregon. It’s funny with Oregon. If recreational marijuana is legal in your state, you can pretty much guarantee Bernie will win it.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Bernie Sanders won last night’s Oregon Democratic primary and this was a surprise. Hillary came in third — behind a bag of weed.” – Seth Meyers

“In last night’s Democratic primaries in Oregon and Kentucky, Bernie won Oregon. No surprise there. If you look at it on a map, Oregon is pretty much as far left as you can get.” – Stephen Colbert

“So Clinton won Kentucky and Sanders won Oregon, and now this will be settled by whose supporters can be most annoying on Facebook. Good luck, everybody.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Meanwhile, in Kentucky, Hillary Clinton declared victory after winning by less than 1 percent. So there’s another 1 percent for Bernie to be mad at.” – Stephen Colbert

“Democrats are concerned that Sanders’ campaign could alienate enough voters to hand Donald Trump the election. Bernie said, ‘Listen, I’m 74 years old. I’m surrounded by college girls screaming my name. Don’t ruin this for me.'” – Jimmy Kimmel