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The Onion Hits the Nail on the Head

Brilliant story in The Onion. The headline is “‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow” accompanied by a photo of someone who looks like Trump clutching his pillow and sobbing into it.

Quickly running into his bedroom and slamming the door behind him after hearing public criticism of the statements he made regarding the family of a fallen Muslim-American U.S. Army captain, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly threw himself on his bed Tuesday and asked himself “Why can I never seem to say the right thing?” while weeping into his pillow. “Every time I open my mouth, the words come out all wrong,” Trump reportedly said in between long, heaving sobs, his voice muffled by the pillow as he occasionally pounded a balled-up fist into the mattress. “I try so hard, but I just can’t talk right, and everyone gets so mad at me. I just wish I could talk nicely like everyone else.” At press time, an exhausted Trump had reportedly cried himself into a perfectly sound sleep.

The Onion publishes satire. But with Trump, reality is hard to distinguish from satire and humor. Earlier this week, there was a crying baby at a Trump rally, and Trump said “get the baby out of here“. Trump looks like he will soon run out of sacred cows to offend.



  1. ebdoug wrote:

    I didn’t hear it, but he certainly was kidding about the baby.
    And remember, his father did die of Alzheimer’s. Early onset like Reagan?

    Friday, August 5, 2016 at 6:50 am | Permalink
  2. ThatGuy wrote:

    EBDoug, he was kidding when he said:

    “Don’t worry about that baby, I love babies so…I love babies, I hear that baby crying and I like it. I like it. What a baby! What a beautiful baby. Don’t worry. The mom’s running about like…don’t worry about you know. It’s young and beautiful and healthy and that’s what we want but look, look.”

    Seconds later, the baby started crying again:

    “…actually I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here. That’s alright, don’t worry. I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I am speaking! That’s ok, people don’t understand. That’s ok….”

    Friday, August 5, 2016 at 6:57 am | Permalink
  3. Dave TN wrote:

    Just when you think there is no one else left to offend, Trump will surprise you. Those that served seem to be a frequent target and I hope his downfall. But as discussed in an earlier thread the Republiecans keep kicking that can without repercussions and until there are they will continue to do so. One can hope a hornets nest gets stirred up with one kick too many.

    Friday, August 5, 2016 at 7:23 am | Permalink
  4. Ralph wrote:

    Saw that one earlier, hilarious! It’s ironic to see someone who has so thoroughly screwed his own party (at least since he last switched) biting the pillow, if you catch my drift. Of course, one could also argue even more strongly it was Repos who screwed themselves to this point in time. Maybe they need to organize a GOP Pillow Donation Drive.

    But for my money, the biggest irony in the wake of the conventions is that Trump’s claim of party unity may have some validity, though not exactly the way he, or most Republicans, may have hoped. The latest Borowitz Report describes recent developments:

    D.N.C. Headquarters Mobbed by Republican Refugees Seeking Asylum
    “These people have been brutalized for months and have decided to risk everything to save themselves and their families,” Democratic National Committee staffer Tracy Klugian said. “When they tell you their stories, they are absolutely heartbreaking.”

    Friday, August 5, 2016 at 9:09 am | Permalink
  5. Wildwood wrote:

    It couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch. Thank you Donald J. Trump!

    Love Borowitz as my husband would be happy to tell you since I constantly interrupt what he’s doing to read him the latest posting.

    BTW, what does Gary Johnson need to get in on the debate(s)? I don’t know if that would help or hurt Clinton but it would be fun to watch if Trump even shows up. I can’t imagine a three-way turning Trump off, but with his newly minted Christian values, it might.

    Friday, August 5, 2016 at 9:59 am | Permalink
  6. ebdoug wrote:

    Wait until you read the New York Times compiled Video of Trump supporters hate. It is Nazi Germany all over again 80 years later.

    They are so ignorant they don’t realize that the Mexican native language was not Spanish until the Catholic Priest Immigrants made them speak spanish. Or that the Mexicans probably came across the Bering Straight 10s of thousands of years ago and kept going south for the warmth. we what people are new comers on this land compared to the original natives. 500 Nations, a wonderful series of this history.

    Friday, August 5, 2016 at 10:17 am | Permalink
  7. Ralph wrote:

    Can imagine a real life replay of that baby scene from “The Candidate”.

    Would never wish that on a real baby, of course. So ladies, please leave your babies at home, you can’t risk it even if he does have baby hands!

    Saturday, August 6, 2016 at 9:22 am | Permalink