[Jokes from July 20, 2016]
“A number of college professors are saying that Melania Trump’s convention speech earlier this week would classify as plagiarism in some academic settings. While in other academic settings [displays logo of Trump University], it would earn you a Ph.D. in ‘Speechinating’.” – Seth Meyers
“It’s the Republican Convention and Donald Trump returned to Cleveland ahead of tomorrow night’s speech. A lot of people noted that Trump was greeted by his whole family when he landed, except for his wife, Melania. Even weirder, Michelle Obama WAS there.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Donald Trump Jr. spoke at the Republican Convention and said his dad was his best friend, which is sweet and a little sad.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“One of the things I’ve been enjoying most about the convention, almost everyone refers to him as Donald J. Trump, like there’s another one running around. But I’ve thoroughly enjoyed everyone saying it. The ‘J’ is a big thing. And a lot of people don’t realize, the ‘J’ stands for Jamal.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The most unusual comments were made by former Trump rival Dr. Ben Carson. Speaking with the authority of a brain surgeon that had performed a lobotomy on himself, he said Lucifer is Hillary’s top running mate. That’s how you feel the Bern.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Paul Ryan last night told the Republican convention’s audience that they can get through next week’s Democratic convention with a little help from the mute button. And speaking of which [displays photo of Dr. Ben Carson], the mute button also gave a speech last night.” – Seth Meyers
“A good thing they have a doctor there because some members of the convention contracted the norovirus, losing bowel control. It’s basically what happened to Chris Christie after walking off stage when he endorsed Trump.” – Jimmy Kimmel
