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Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Dec. 7, 2016]

“Donald Trump has been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year. When he found out, Trump said, ‘That’s all I ever really wanted’, and then he quit public life, never to be heard from again.” – Conan O’Brien

“Ladies and gentlemen, he did it. He won again. Donald Trump has just been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year for 2016. The shocking thing about this is that Time magazine thinks Trump is a person.” – James Corden

“Time magazine has named their Person of the Year. It’s none other than President-elect Donald Trump. He is the Person of the Year. Which is a big deal because this might be one of our last years.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump was named Time magazine’s 2016 Person of the Year this morning. While Hillary Clinton was named runner-up. And when she heard, Hillary hiked so far into the woods, she’s now living with Bran Stark.” – Seth Meyers

“So anyway, congratulations to Donald Trump, and to the photographer who got him to sit still and not tweet for 30 seconds. That’s the guy who should be Person of the Year this year.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The editors of Time magazine voted to make Donald Trump Person of the Year, although to be fair, 2.7 million more editors voted for Hillary Clinton, but the editors from Florida get more votes than editors from Rhode Island. It’s complicated.” – James Corden

“On the ‘Today’ show this morning, Time magazine announced that Donald Trump is the Person of the Year. Then Al Roker said, ‘Now let’s check out the protests happening in YOUR neck of the woods!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“I do want to distinguish, it doesn’t necessarily mean BEST Person of the Year, it’s just Person of the Year, although don’t tell Donald Trump that.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Time’s Person of the Year is quite an honor, unless you are named in the year when Zika broke out; the Earth was the hottest it has ever been; Muhammad Ali, Prince, and David Bowie died; Syria exploded; Brexit happened; and oh, Donald Trump was elected president. Congratulations! You are the face of the worst year ever.” – James Corden

“Some of the people of the year include Gandhi, Stalin, Churchill, Nixon, Putin, Obama, and Hitler. So Trump is definitely fitting in there — you decide where he fits in for yourself.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump won in spite of losing in Time’s online poll to Hillary Clinton. Can she win anything? Really, Hillary’s now just hoping to win a mug that says ‘World’s Best Grandma’.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump said he has asked President Obama to help recommend some of his appointments. Obama said fine, and recommended Hillary Clinton for president.” – Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, Chinese state media called Donald Trump a ‘diplomatic rookie’ who has an ‘inability to keep his mouth shut.’ Or as Trump reported it, ‘They just called me young and outgoing! Thank you CHY-na!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump said today that he doesn’t believe that Russia interfered with his election in any way. Well, technically all he said was, ‘Nyet’.” – Seth Meyers

“Facebook has filed a patent on a system to automatically identify and remove posts containing fake news, and just after the nick of time.” – Seth Meyers

“There are reports that Trump will be getting a Goldendoodle puppy when he takes office. To teach it how to beg and roll over, they actually brought in Mitt Romney.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump is reportedly considering arriving at his inauguration by helicopter, and so is Chris Christie. ‘Take me with you! I can’t go back to New Jersey!'” – Seth Meyers

“Former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski said today that Donald Trump’s presidency will make it OK for people to say ‘Merry Christmas’ again. Corey, we’ve always been allowed to say ‘Merry Christmas’, it’s just no one says it to you.” – Seth Meyers

“A real estate agency that sells apartments inside Trump Tower is advertising the new 24-hour presence of Secret Service agents as a, quote, ‘new amenity’. While they’re advertising the eggs that hit your windows as ‘free grocery delivery’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Pope Francis has warned the media to stop spreading false information. Or as the media reported it, ‘World’s Top Rabbi Says ‘Keep Up the Good Work!'” – Conan O’Brien