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Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Jan. 16, 2017]

“I saw that Donald Trump himself is selling inauguration sweatshirts for $79. I know it sounds expensive for a sweatshirt, but just imagine how much they would have cost if they were made in America.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Dozens of Democratic members of Congress are boycotting Donald Trump’s inauguration. Which is shocking because I didn’t know there were still dozens of Democratic members of Congress. I guessed there were like two left.” – Conan O’Brien

“I read that Trump raised a record $90 million in private donations to pay for his inauguration. Trump said, ‘Just another $10 million and we can cover my appearance fee.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump’s inauguration ceremony is this Friday, which means Mike Pence’s is on Monday.” – Conan O’Brien

“A Bruce Springsteen cover band is the latest musical act to drop out of performing [at the inauguration]. Yeah. That’s right. That’s the situation we’re in right now. It is not a good sign when a cover band thinks you’re not a legitimate president.” – Conan O’Brien

“Over the weekend, Donald Trump sent out angry tweets blasting civil rights legend John Lewis. So I guess we all celebrate Martin Luther King Day differently.” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump tweeted about Martin Luther King Jr. this morning, saying people should celebrate, quote, ‘All the many wonderful things that he stood for.’ He then quickly logged off before anyone asked him to name one.” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump observed the holiday by visiting the National Museum of African American History, or more accurately, canceling his visit to the National Museum of African American History. Although I guess in a way that might be good. The last thing we need is Trump learning more about segregation.” – Stephen Colbert

“After civil rights leader John Lewis called Donald Trump an illegitimate president, incoming chief of staff Reince Priebus claimed that Republicans never questioned the legitimacy of President Obama’s election. And then President Obama sighed so hard his hair turned white.” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump met with Steve Harvey at Trump Tower on Friday. Meanwhile, Trump’s toupee and Harvey’s mustache met for a play date.” – Conan O’Brien

“In an interview yesterday, Donald Trump said he has a replacement for Obamacare that will provide insurance for everybody. Yeah, it’s called move to Canada.” – Conan O’Brien

“Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey is officially cutting down. Apparently, the circus doesn’t think it could compete against a Trump presidency.” – Stephen Colbert

“In an interview, President Obama said that reading books helped him get through difficult times during his presidency. Reading books, yeah. So he said, ‘Thank you, Judy Bloom.'” – Conan O’Brien

“There’s a new app out there that describes itself as Tinder for adopting babies. So one day, siblings will be taunting each other with, ‘Ha ha, mom right-swiped you. You shouldn’t be here.'” – Conan O’Brien


One Comment

  1. redjon wrote:

    Stephen King’s take Jan 15th on the Ringling Bros closure was, “Ringling Bros closing down, but will be replaced (Jan 20th?) by the Pennywise Traveling Terror Tour. Bring the kids! Pennywise has balloons! Hooray!”

    Monday, February 13, 2017 at 1:31 pm | Permalink