[Jokes from Feb. 6, 2017]
Ninety-seven tech companies have filed a legal brief opposing Donald Trump’s travel ban. Took a week though because all their IT guys were detained at the airport. – Conan O’Brien
On Saturday, Trump faced his third weekend straight of nationwide protests, including at his Palm Beach resort, Mar-a-Lago, where he was staying. Will the protests get to Trump? Well, a longtime ally, Roger Stone, told Politico, “Donald used to come and go as he pleases, and now he can’t and he has protesters on top of that. Mar-a-Lago is like an oasis for him. But if he feels he can’t go there to unwind, I wonder if it will make him go crazy.” Make him go crazy? Has this been the sane version of Trump this whole time? – Seth Meyers
A president of the United States said, “You think our country’s so innocent?” Has there ever been a president who hates America more? I mean, besides Jefferson Davis. – Stephen Colbert
On Sunday, a deputy White House press secretary told CBS News, “Trump has some meetings and may play a few holes of golf.” Which isn’t a big deal. All presidents play golf. It’s a presidential sport. You wouldn’t want your president playing football.” Though, if Trump did, that would explain the concussion symptoms. – Seth Meyers
President Trump has sworn off McDonald’s and KFC. Not only that, he’s trying to get Chipotle deported. – Conan O’Brien
Drug dealers are now stamping individually wrapped heroin packets with Donald Trump’s face. So finally a Trump-branded product that people actually want to buy. It’s selling like crazy. – Conan O’Brien
Also published on Medium.