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Late Night Political Humor

[Jokes from Jul 10, 2017]

At this weekend’s G-20 summit, President Trump and Vladimir Putin had a private two-and-a-half hour meeting. It’s probably not a good sign that it ended with Putin handing Trump a single red rose. – Conan O’Brien

But the bigly event this weekend: Donald Trump finally met his BFF, Russian President Vladimir Putin. They’d never met before, and they could not take their beautiful blue eyes off each other. – Jimmy Kimmel

They were only scheduled to meet for 30 minutes but they talked for two hours. During the chat, Trump and Putin talked about teaming up to form a cybersecurity unit to stop future hacking of elections. It’s great idea; think of the time it’ll save! They already know our passwords, so why not? It’s like hiring the guy who stole your car stereo to put it back in. – Jimmy Kimmel

We learned yesterday that on June 9 of last year, Donald Trump Jr. met with a Russian lawyer after being promised damaging information on Hillary Clinton. [Audience reacts] Yeah, you took the “Ooh” right out of my mouth. You could knock me over with … whatever you use to knock over someone who isn’t the least bit surprised. – Stephen Colbert

The meeting took place at Trump Tower and included Jared Kushner and then-Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort — and proves that at least some in the campaign were willing to accept Russian help. So it’s not a smoking gun, but it IS a gun meeting with a Russian bullet about their mutual desire to smoke. – Stephen Colbert

Pretty damning, but Don Jr. has a good explanation: “It was a short introductory meeting. I asked Jared and Paul to stop by. We primarily discussed a program about the adoption of Russian children.” Yes, I think they were talking about the adoption of little Timmy Kislyak. – Stephen Colbert

President Trump is being criticized now for allowing his daughter Ivanka to sit in for him at the G-20 summit. At a press conference today, the White House press secretary’s 8-year-old daughter said, “It’s no big deal.” – Conan O’Brien

The president wasn’t alone at the G-20 summit. His wife “Malaria” and his daughter Ivanka were there. At one point Ivanka sat in for Donald Trump at a meeting with world leaders. Of course Twitter went nuts, and that’s the only thing he reads, so he got very defensive. This morning, he wrote, “If Chelsea Clinton held the seat for her mother, the Fake News would say ‘Chelsea for Prez’” — which is stupid, because if Hillary Clinton was president she wouldn’t let ANYONE sit in that seat. – Jimmy Kimmel

If Hillary had to go to the bathroom, she would literally have picked up the chair and carried it with her into the stall. – Jimmy Kimmel

He’s got a point, I do think people are overreacting. She just held his seat. I don’t remember people complaining when President Obama let Sasha give the order to kill bin Laden, do you? – Jimmy Kimmel

President Donald Trump flew to Germany to meet with other world leaders for the G-20 summit. They had trouble booking a hotel room because they waited so long to do it, which is funny for a guy who owns a dozen hotels. – Jimmy Kimmel

On Saturday, President Trump had back-to-back meetings with the leaders of China and then Japan. There was an awkward moment when Trump asked the leader of Japan, “Hey, didn’t I just meet with you?” – Conan O’Brien

Some tech experts in Silicon Valley now believe that a robot would make a better president than a human. I don’t know about you, but at this point, I would vote for President Roomba. – Conan O’Brien

In Iraq, ISIS is on the verge of total defeat. You can tell ISIS is pretty much on the way out, because they’ve already been booked to appear on next season’s “Dancing With the Stars.” – Conan O’Brien

Over the weekend, Los Angeles experienced a massive heat wave. Some people were so desperate for air conditioning, they actually went to see the new “Transformers” movie. – Conan O’Brien