“The Pope, a couple of weeks ago, was fired. One day you’re the leader of the Catholic Church, and the next day you’re at Denny’s blowing on your soup.” – David Letterman “The Italian press is reporting that the next Pope could be the cardinal from Boston. If he gets the job, he’ll be the […]
“Can President Obama get the support of gun owners? Yes, after a four-year waiting period.” – Stephen Colbert “Obama gave his State of the Union speech and went through a laundry list of things, most of them very centrist — like he said he wanted universal preschool. He said he got the idea from trying […]
“As you know, the Pope is resigning. He said he feels there’s just no room for advancement. It’s a dead-end job.” – Jay Leno “The Vatican said that as soon as the Pope resigns, he will no longer be infallible. The Vatican said it’s the same thing that happened to Oprah.” – Conan O’Brien “Big […]
“The Vatican was struck by lightning after the Pope announced he was retiring. That really happened. Sounds like someone’s not handling the breakup well.” – Conan O’Brien “Pope Benedict says he is resigning because of physical problems. Apparently it’s an old football injury from throwing all those Hail Marys.” – Jay Leno “With the Pope […]
“Today, Pope Benedict surprised everyone and announced that he is stepping down at the end of the month. Or as God put it, ‘Well, at least he gave me two weeks’ notice’.” – Jimmy Fallon “The Pope announced he is resigning. He doesn’t feel he is strong enough to continue with his papal duties. What […]
“This is crazy. The justice department is saying that President Obama can order drone strikes on American citizens, that he can do that. In a related story, this is the last Obama joke I’m ever doing on this show.” – Conan O’Brien “Supporters of Hillary Clinton have already started a 2016 super PAC on her […]
© Kevin Siers If the Catholic Church isn’t going to look to the future, how about going all the way back to the past? Ed Stein has a novel idea: It’s time for the Church to think outside the box. Pope Benedict is the first Pope to resign in six centuries. If you’re going to […]
“The Postal Service announced that it will stop delivering mail on Saturdays in an effort to save $2 billion a year. Postal workers were shocked: ‘We were supposed to deliver mail on Saturdays?’” – Jimmy Fallon “The U.S. Postal Service announced they are ending Saturday delivery of the mail. Now if you have a problem […]
© Ruben Bolling Yes, Ruben Bolling got the memo that this was the week for everyone to attack Obama over the drone strikes. But I liked this one.
“People are still trying to figure out why the power went out Sunday at the Super Bowl. Today they found out the reason. Turns out China cut off the electricity for nonpayment of our bill.” – Jay Leno “The power went out for 35 minutes in the Superdome. It was the most highly viewed power […]
“Two prostitutes from the Dominican Republic say that New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez paid them for sex. And Menendez is in big trouble because as you know it is a felony to impersonate a Secret Service agent.” – Jay Leno “Hispanics and Republicans go together like beans and very very white rice that is highly […]
“Fox News has their lowest ratings in 10 years. But Fox says it’s not a case of them losing credibility. They say it’s not because they’re now widely seen as a clearing house for discredited ideas. They say it’s mostly because of old people misplacing the clicker.” – Bill Maher “Con men like Rush and […]
“There’s a petition going around asking President Obama to make the day after the Super Bowl a national holiday. That’s a good idea. After a long, exhausting day of sitting on the couch watching TV, I need a day off.” – Jimmy Kimmel “I have a lot of eating planned for Sunday. Hot wings. Nachos. […]
“The Senate has overwhelmingly approved John Kerry as the next Secretary of State. In his farewell speech today to the Senate, Kerry spoke for 51 minutes. So, apparently he does believe in torture.” – Jay Leno “We have a new secretary of state, John Kerry, former senator from Massachusetts. For four years Hillary Clinton served […]
“According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn’t.” – Jay Leno “’60 Minutes’ anchor Steve Kroft is defending Sunday’s interview with President Obama and Hillary Clinton, saying that he didn’t have enough time to ask hard-hitting questions. That would be easier to […]
Abortion Bush Campaign Finance Cheney Climate Clinton Congress Conservatives Corporations Corruption Deficits Democrats Drugs Economy Education Election Elections Energy Environment Fox News Gays Guns Health Immigration Lies McCain Media Middle East Obama Palin Protests Racism Religion Republicans Romney Spying Supreme Court Taxes Tea Party Terrorism Terrorists Torture Trump Unemployment War
