Political Irony

“Halloween is just a few days away and the Obamas have invited children to go trick-or-treating at the White House on Friday. It will be fun until the Secret Service tackles a kid and says, ‘We finally got one. He’s dressed like a ninja turtle and tried to get in here.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Over the weekend another guy jumped the fence at the White House. This time he was tackled by three security guards. They released him and then later in the day he was signed by the Jets.” – David Letterman

“If you think there’s a lot of people trying to get into the White House now, just wait about a year.” – David Letterman

“Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush said today that he has not yet decided whether he will run for president in 2016 — at which point Hillary Clinton took her foot off of his neck.” – Seth Meyers

“Vladimir Putin announced he’s abolishing daylight saving time. He said he doesn’t want to set Russian clocks back. I will say this: He’s done a pretty good job of setting the Russian calendar back — to about 1983.” – Craig Ferguson

“Now that Putin’s gotten rid of daylight savings, it’s just a matter of time before he decides to get rid of daylight altogether.” – Craig Ferguson

“North Korean leader Kim Jong Un visited an orphanage over the weekend. Well actually, it wasn’t an orphanage when he got there.” – Seth Meyers

“Mayor de Blasio said New Yorkers will not get Ebola from riding the subway. He said, ‘Let’s focus on actual things you might catch on the subway. There’s the SARS virus, bird flu, rat flu, West Nile, East Nile — plenty to choose from. Ebola’s way down the list.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“A new report claims that by the year 2020 the marijuana industry could be bigger than the NFL. Either way, it’s a good time to be in the couch business.” – Conan O’Brien

“Before the World Series game last night, Aaron Lewis from the band Staind botched the National Anthem. To make things worse he started the song with, ‘Are you ready for some football?'” – Conan O’Brien

According to Nate Silver, the Republicans now have a 73% chance of taking over the Senate (that’s a whopping 46 point lead). So Barack Obama will face a hostile Congress, including a Senate that probably won’t confirm any of his nominees.

But in this video, Hillary Clinton (or at least, someone playing her) finds something to sing about, and possibly a silver lining:

[thanks to Ronnie Butler for sending this to me. Ya gotta love a guy who plays the ukulele!]

UPDATE: Republicans now have an insane 51 point advantage — 75.5% to 24.5%.

“The Pentagon just announced that its fight against ISIS will be called ‘Operation Inherent Resolve.’ They came up with that name using ‘Operation Random Thesaurus’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The Pentagon has picked ‘Operation Inherent Resolve’ as the name for its fight against ISIS. Unfortunately, two terrorists got away while they were busy thinking of that name. Who cares what you call it. Just do something!” – Jimmy Fallon

“A Dutch motorcycle gang called ‘No Surrender’ has declared war on ISIS, and plans to ride their motorcycles through Syria and Iraq. When they heard the name ‘No Surrender,’ the Pentagon said, ‘Damn! That would have been a perfect name!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Earlier today the head of the TSA announced he’s retiring. His employees toasted him with less than 3 ounces of champagne. Then they gave him a gold watch and he had to take it off and put it in a bin.” – Conan O’Brien

“Last night the governor of Florida refused to come out for a debate. He was upset that his opponent had a fan under the podium to keep cool. Now a governor and a fan are very different, of course. One oscillates back and forth, blowing hot air in everybody’s face. And the other one is a fan.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama is trying very hard to put people at ease about Ebola. Obama said he hugged and kissed some of the nurses in Atlanta who had treated the patients with Ebola. Man, Obama will do anything to get out of that job right now.” – Conan O’Brien

“During an interview, Senator John McCain declared that the U.S. isn’t winning the war against ISIS. Even ISIS said, ‘Well, not with THAT attitude.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“A new poll shows that only a slim majority of Americans think the country is prepared for an Ebola outbreak. But I think we deal with outbreaks pretty well. It only took us a couple of months to completely eradicate Gangnam Style.” – Seth Meyers

“New York City is overrun with rats. We have so many rats that today Mayor Bill de Blasio was on live television asking every citizen here to make sure to have your rat neutered.” – David Letterman

“The marriage rate has hit an all-time low, with 1 in 5 adults over 25 having never been married. In fact, an ad firm has come up with slogans to get people on board. One slogan is: ‘Marriage, satisfaction guaranteed or your money back — half of it, anyway.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“I was very happy to see that our old friend Jay Leno is coming back to television. He’s coming back to CNBC and he’s got a brand-new show. Jay drives a variety of exotic vehicles, and each week he runs down a different NBC executive.” – David Letterman

“Colorado police are worried that children on Halloween might mistakenly eat edible marijuana. Marijuana is legal there and includes candies and baked goods. You can tell if your kid is high if he won’t stop asking ‘Why?’ when you answer his questions, or if he believes he has an imaginary friend.” – Jimmy Kimmel