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Bill O’Reilly apparently believes in God because he flunked science

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly is waging a war against science. His technique is simple: come up with examples in the world that “nobody” can explain and use that to claim that there must be a god.

But what is really hilarious about this are the examples he is picking. Ranker put together a list of the stupidest things that O’Reilly claims cannot be explained. For example, the tides:

I’ll tell you why [religion is] not a scam, in my opinion. Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the tide goes in.

Of course, most children learn that the tides are caused by the moon (and to a lesser extent the sun) by the time they enter high school, but apparently O’Reilly flunked that class (and I guess that he doesn’t count a little thing like a tsunami as a “miscommunication”).

When it was pointed out to O’Reilly that we can easily explain the tides, he doubled down on dumb, and — picking on the moon again — claimed that we don’t know why we have a moon and Mars doesn’t! Apparently he also flunked the class where they discussed that Mars has two moons.

You can see all of this hilarity on Stephen Colbert’s show [starting around 2:30]:

Personally, I might have to believe in God, because I can’t explain how someone as stupid as O’Reilly can get their own TV show. I can’t explain that at all. God works in mysterious ways.

UPDATE: This whole thing has spawned a new internet meme, and it is hilarious.

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Late Night Political Humor

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

“This year’s Super Bowl was the most-watched event in history. Take that, moon landing.” – Craig Ferguson

“The head of Homeland Security told people at the game, if they saw anything not right give them a call. They got 50 million calls as soon as Christina Aguilera started singing the National Anthem. The good news, you can’t accuse her of lip syncing.” – Jay Leno

“Christina Aguilera sang the wrong words to ‘The Star-Spangled Banner.’ And even worse, the Black Eyed Peas sang their songs exactly right.” – Conan O’Brien

“During the Super Bowl halftime show, the Black Eyed Peas changed the lyrics of their song ‘Where is the Love’ to call on President Obama to do better in education and jobs. And Christina Aguilera changed the lyrics of the national anthem — just because.” – Jimmy Fallon

“John Madden sat next to former President Bush at the game. There was an awkward moment when they were both caught on the Kiss Cam.” – Conan O’Brien

“I was going to watch the Super Bowl at the Late-Night Hosts Clubhouse. But last year Jay Leno was looking for something to cut the cake, and Conan said, “Why don’t you use the knife you stuck in my back?” Awkward. So I just watched at home this year.” – Craig Ferguson

“Do you know where Osama bin Laden watched the Super Bowl? In his man cave.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama had a Super Bowl party which featured food from both Wisconsin and Pennsylvania, which explains why he tested positive for diabetes the next morning.” – Conan O’Brien

“At President Obama’s Super Bowl party, they had cheeseburgers and deep-dish pizza. So much for Michelle Obama’s healthy eating initiative.” – David Letterman

“During his interview with President Obama last night, Bill O’Reilly asked him to explain how he deals with so many people hating him. In response, Obama said, ‘You first.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak told ABC news that he would like to step down from power immediately, but if he did, it could cause chaos in his country. Well, you would hate to see that happen.” – Jay Leno

“Over the weekend Dick Cheney declared Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak a good friend. Mubarak said, ‘Dude, that’s not really helping.'” – Conan O’Brien

“A lot of Americans are still trapped in Egypt. They’re being advised to bring their own food and water to the airport. Also their own plane.” – Conan O’Brien

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Republicans want to defeat Obama at any cost

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A new poll from CNN shows that the most important thing they want in a presidential candidate in 2012 is someone who can defeat Obama — even if that candidate disagrees with them on major issues and ideology.

I guess I’m happy that Republicans are taking a slight break from ideology, but only so they can cement their reputation as the Party of No.

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Recycling in the Republican Party

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


© Ken Catalino

It could be worse — they could be recycling Newt.

UPDATE: The Onion has the best remembrance of Reagan for his birthday.

UPDATE 2: Demystifying Reagan.

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Boeing outsourcing fail – fooled twice!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

In 2003, Boeing decided to use a very aggressive outsourcing strategy in order to slash the cost of developing their new 787 Dreamliner.

But last month, the Boeing Commercial Airplanes chief admitted that this strategy backfired completely — outsourcing cost far more money than it saved, and led to a three year delay in the release of the 787. “We spent a lot more money in trying to recover than we ever would have spent if we’d tried to keep the key technologies closer to home.” Wall Street analysts have estimated that this bad move cost the company between $12 billion and $18 billion dollars, on top of the $5 billion the plane was originally predicted to cost.

What I find ironic about this is that in 1997, Boeing was able to acquire their major competitor, airplane manufacturer McDonnell Douglas, because Douglas had themselves tried their own disastrous outsourcing strategy. In fact, one of the Senior Technical Fellows from Douglas had warned Boeing in 2001 not to go down the outsourcing path that had led Douglas to virtual obsolescence by the mid-1990s, and predicting that outsourcing would cause massive additional costs.

But Boeing didn’t listen, because they were too busy chasing after a new accounting measure called RONA — return on net assets — an idea they acquired from the close-to-defunct Douglas. The RONA idea is that the less actual work you do per dollar of profit, the better. Taken to its extreme, you could maximize RONA by outsourcing everything other than a 25 cent Boeing decal that you would slap on the nose of the finished airplane.

The problem, of course, is that you lose all control over the airplane itself and increase risks when outsourcing partners are unable to perform. And as you lay off your employees, you lose your core competencies. You are in effect turning your product into a commodity, competing on price alone. As most businesses recognize, this is a very bad situation to be in. But when the outsourcing ends up costing you more money, it is a double whammy.

Boeing has now learned this lesson twice. Will other companies need to make the same mistakes? I hope not.

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Late Night Political Humor

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

“Oil companies are now saying that the unrest in the Middle East could lead to an increase in gas prices. Did you ever notice that everything leads to increased gas prices: Egypt, the snowstorm, Snooki’s book, the ‘American Idol’ judges.” – Jay Leno

“Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said he would resign, but Egypt would then descend into chaos. Then he said, ‘Now, I have to go look out a window for the first time in two weeks.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Egyptian President Mubarak’s son Gamal will not run for President. Why would he? An unpopular President is removed from office and his inexperienced son is voted in? That could never happen.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Hosni’s son Gamal Mubarak says he does not want to become President, which is just as well. If you’ve seen one Mubarak you’ve seen Gamal.” – Conan O’Brien

“Now Egyptians are demanding to see President Mubarak’s birth certificate. There’s a rumor he was born in New Jersey.” – Jay Leno

“Egyptian President Mubarak said President Obama doesn’t understand Egyptian culture. Man, get off your high camel.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama invited John McCain to the White House to give his opinion on Egypt, specifically what it’s like to be a mummy.” – Bill Maher

“All of the Arab potentates and their fat cat entourages are on the run. Tunisia’s president is leaving, Mubarak is not going to run for re-election, the guy in Yemen is going to leave. This is great news — not necessarily for the Middle East, but for real estate agents in Beverly Hills.” – Bill Maher

“Mitt Romney said in an interview that Sarah Palin would be great as president. He then added, ‘ … of Egypt.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Sunday is the 100th birthday of Ronald Reagan, and all over America, Republicans are going to celebrate this by throwing big parties and leaving the bill for Democrats to pay.” – Bill Maher

“After the big snowstorm in Chicago, Mayoral candidate Rahm Emanuel has been pitching in digging stranded cars out of the snow. Of course he didn’t help his campaign by telling people, ‘Thank God I don’t live here.'” – Conan O’Brien

“This is day three of the storm that has snowbliterated the United States. Finally America’s extra layer of fat comes in handy. Take that, Michelle Obama.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Joe Lieberman is writing a book about the Jewish Sabbath called “Gift of Rest.” I hear he’s been working on it 24/6.” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to ‘The National Enquirer’ House Speaker John Boehner had his package stimulated. He’s being accused of having two affairs, one with a female lobbyist. That should end the criticism of the Republicans as ‘The Party of No.'” – Jay Leno

“A zoo in Britain has a gorilla that walks upright. Not only that, but he texts while he’s doing it. I heard about this. Within ten minutes we had fifty jokes, all with the same punch line. Arnold Schwarzenegger.” – David Letterman

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Tyranny – Real and Imagined

Monday, February 7, 2011


© Matt Davies

Some Republicans seem to be falling over each other proclaiming that we can’t allow Egypt to have a democracy, since they might, you know, decide to do something we can’t predict or — worse — don’t like. Get over it.

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Asymptotic Trading

Monday, February 7, 2011

[This is an excerpt from a post in Fred Wickham’s Bullseye Rooster. Dan is Fred’s brother, and Buzz is his business partner in a small business. I totally agree with this idea.]

Two years ago, Dan and Buzz were heartened by the election of Obama. Aside from all the marvelous change he would be bringing to America and the world, he promised to help small business. So it was a little bit odd when he put all the big bankers into the business policy jobs. It turned out to be worse than just odd, it’s worse than nothing. No small business loans. No small business investment strategy at all. The large corporations are getting fatter and fatter, owning more and more, and actually buying out small businesses for a song. The inventors and entrepreneurs have been sucking hind tit. All the while, the stock market is going great. But jobs are not being created. It’s all about trading now.

Paper trading — actually not even paper. Traders are scoring big with trades that last only a microsecond. A sufficiently well-heeled investor can buy and sell the same stock in less than a second and, through some sleight of rational thought, become a good deal richer. All in the time it takes to cough in the face of his intern.

I asked my brother if, as a small businessman, he could have any wish, what would it be?

“Get rid of the stock market,” he said. I gave him a get real look, then he continued. “Get rid of the trading system as it is currently structured. These bastards are trading lickety-split, but there’s no incentive for them to hold onto their investments. The stock hiccups, they take their profit and bail. The point of the market, old-fashioned as it may sound, is to capitalize a venture that you see as a viable addition to the economy. The designer, the workers, the sales staffs, the entrepreneurs and, yes, even the consumer — these are the people who must benefit to have a market that inspires production.”

With that, Dan outlined his cure. Those who buy and sell stocks in a micro-second, should pay a 99% capital gains tax on their (excuse me while I clear my throat) earnings. Yes, outrageously confiscatory in order to stop this outrageous practice. A day trade, 90%. Sure it’ll piss off the day traders on their laptops, but it should open up a few tables at Peets when these guys get off their asses and find something productive to do. Hold on to your stock for a week, 70%. A month, 60%. Year, 50%. Two years, 35%. Five years, 10%. Ten years or more, zero percent capital gains taxes.

Certainly, this scheme would trigger outrage. The rich don’t even like to pay taxes on their Grey Poupon. But that’s the point. Propose it as it is. Let them scream. Wake the public up to what it is that investment is supposed to do for the economy, for the honest businessman, for the job-seeker.

I said, what would you call this? “Well, it’s based on an asymptotic curve — might as well call it asymptotic trading.”

Sounds good to me. Dan Wickham’s Asymptotic Trading. DWAT.

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Late Night Political Humor

Sunday, February 6, 2011

“While in Egypt, CNN’s Anderson Cooper was attacked and beaten, which raises 2 questions. Is it safe to send our media into these places? And how do we get Glenn Beck over there?” – Conan O’Brien

“Anderson Cooper from CNN was there (in Egypt), and he got punched 10 different times. And I thought, well, wait a minute, that happens to me walking to work every day.” – David Letterman

“Apparently something is going on over in Egypt. Anderson Cooper and his crew got attacked by pro-government forces. He got hit in the head about 10 times, and I think he got kicked in the Mini Cooper too.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“President Mubarak came out of the presidential palace today and saw his shadow; six more weeks of rock throwing.” – Jay Leno

‎”These days it seems like you can’t have an armed street mob without it turning ugly.” – Stephen Colbert

“Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak announced … he will not run for another term as president. … The bad news is that this spring he’s taking over for Regis. And guess where Regis is going? He’s going to run Egypt.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Mubarak says he won’t step down until September, but that he won’t seek another rigged election. He plans to retire to his ranch in Crawford, Texas. Is this guy really leaving in September, or is he just pulling a Leno?” – David Letterman

“The big rumor: Sarah Palin said she may run for president. I understand there’s an opening in Egypt.” – Jay Leno

“Secretary of state Hillary Clinton said regarding the crises in Egypt that the Obama administration is not advocating or working toward any specific outcome. Same policy they had during the economic crises. Just kind of go along and see what happens.” – Jay Leno

“Today Al Gore blamed the current snow storms on global warming. Al Gore said, ‘a rise in global temperature creates havoc ranging from hotter dry spells to colder winters, increasing violent storms, flooding, forest fires and loss of endangered species.’ And finally Tipper said, ‘Al will you just pay the kid for shoveling the walk, please.'” – Jay Leno

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The St. Reagan Cargo Cult

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Today is Ronald Reagan’s 100th birthday (they will even start the Super Bowl with a video tribute to the Gipper), so it is fitting to look back on his legacy.

Is Reagan a true American hero, or was he simply the first actor to play the role of President in real life? I’m not sure, actually. But I do know that any acting he was doing in the White House has been far eclipsed by the fiction that has been spun around his presidency by conservatives.

Perhaps the biggest example of this is the cargo cult that fervently believes that cutting taxes is the best (and perhaps only) way to economic growth. These people think of Reagan as the saint of tax cuts. And it is true that in his first year as president, Reagan cut the marginal tax rate for the rich from 70% to 28%. But what they ignore is that Reagan’s big tax cut was a disaster.

Perhaps it is a credit to Reagan that he realized this, and he raised taxes every year after his first year. In fact, the man who edited Reagan’s memoirs says:

Reagan was never afraid to raise taxes. … And so there’s a false mythology out there about Reagan as this conservative president who came in and just cut taxes and trimmed federal spending in a dramatic way. It didn’t happen that way. It’s false.

Unfortunately, his biggest tax increase was to the payroll tax, so in effect he replaced a progressive tax with a regressive tax, shifting much of the tax burden from the rich to the not-rich. And even Reagan’s budget director, the same man that orchestrated Reagan’s huge tax cut, says that tax cuts are not working, and that we should raise taxes.

And yet, conservatives and Republicans still believe that Reagan never raised taxes. Worse, they claim that we can solve our budget deficit problems and help the economy by cutting taxes even more, although there is plenty of evidence of the opposite.

So on this day of remembrance for Reagan, if you are cornered by a conservative complaining about deficits and the size of government, remind them about how Reagan increased our deficit by $3 trillion and increased the size of government dramatically. Or if they start complaining about illegal aliens, remind them that Reagan gave amnesty to three million undocumented workers. Or if they talk about fighting a war with Iran, remind them that Reagan secretly sold arms to Iran despite an arms embargo against them, and used the proceeds to fund death squads in Nicaragua, which Congress had outlawed. Or if they try to pretend they are not racist, remind them of how Reagan vetoed sanctions against apartheid South Africa, asserting that they would not work. Or if they claim that only Republicans can prevent terrorism, remind them that Reagan helped create and fund the Taliban and Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan.

If you are truly interested in Reagan’s legacy, read this excellent article in CBS news about Reagan, including both the prevalent myths and the reality. Or if that is too much trouble, here’s a cartoon:


© Kirk Anderson

UPDATE: If you are concerned about corruption in government, Reagan’s administration was one of the most corrupt in history with a total of 138 Reagan officials convicted, indicted, or named in investigations of official misconduct or criminal acts. Here is a list of all the people in the Reagan administration who were convicted of serious crimes directly related to their jobs — there are 21 of them, compared to eight for Nixon (who was forced out of office) and only one for Clinton (who was not).

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The Gospel Truth About Obama

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The Fox News headline on their website proclaims “Obama Botches Bible Verse at Prayer Breakfast“. They claim that Obama misquoted a familiar Bible verse, and even accompany it with a rather unflattering photo of the president.

OMG! Is this proof that Obama isn’t really a Christian? Are conservatives right when they claim he is a secret Muslim, and only pretends to be Christian so he can get elected?

There’s just one problem. As most people know — but apparently Fox News doesn’t — there is more than one version of the Bible, two of the most popular being the New International Version and the King James Version. Obama was quoting from one, while Fox News was quoting from the other to debunk him.

So my question is, is Fox News lying on purpose, or are they just really stupid? And now that their error has been pointed out, why haven’t they corrected the article?

Even more stupid, in a poll done last year, only one-third of Americans believe that Obama is Christian. Where would they get an idea like that?

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Late Night Political Humor

Saturday, February 5, 2011

“Protesters in Egypt are demanding that President Murabak step down by Friday. Murabak says he’ll leave in 5 years and then hand the job off to Conan.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak announced he won’t run for another term. The bad news is that this spring he’s taking over for Regis.” – Conan O’Brien

“The good news is that Hosni Mubarak may step down. The bad news is that he may be replaced by his idiot son Hosni W. Mubarak.” – David Letterman

“In Egypt, 2 million people are in the streets all around Egypt demanding that Hosni Mubarak step down. It’s the most-angry mob I’ve seen since the ‘Fire Dave’ rally last year.” – David Letterman

“Even Brett Favre was like, ‘Come on man, retire already, you’re embarrassing yourself.'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Experts now say the protests in Egypt were started by bloggers. Bloggers started the whole thing on Facebook. In fact, the No. 1 choice to replace Mubarak — Justin Bieber.” – Jay Leno

“In Egypt, the unrest continues. Is ‘unrest’ a good word? Unrest is one of the un-goodest words ever. A better way to describe what’s going on over there is that people are going nuts in Egypt.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Now the Egyptian crowds who are protesting have turned against the United States. Oh boy, I didn’t see that coming.” – David Letterman

“I’ve been watching a lot of the news footage, and it turns out they don’t walk like Egyptians after all. They walk regular like us.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“They’re also tired of having a president named Hosni.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“There was a huge snowstorm in New York yesterday. I was complaining about it all day to my friend in Egypt.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Chicago is expecting 20 inches of snow. Rahm Emanuel says he’s happy he doesn’t really live there.” – Jay Leno

“The owners of Chick-fil-A restaurants were very anti-gay-marriage, but now they’ve reversed their stand, In fact, today they introduced the Chick-on-Chick-fil-A.” –Jay Leno

“Astronomers say that eight years from today an asteroid has a 1 in 200,000 chance of hitting Earth. About the same chance Sarah Palin has of becoming President, so it’s pretty scary either way.” – Jay Leno

“A spokesperson for Sen. John McCain said he won’t meet Snooki this week even though she was in D.C. Do you really need to announce that you’re not meeting with Snooki? That’s like Obama going, ‘Welcome to the State of the Union. I’d just like to let everyone know that I will not be having brunch with Amber from ‘Teen Mom’ tomorrow.'” – Jimmy Fallon

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Oil Prices and Egypt

Saturday, February 5, 2011


© Vic Harville

The largest American oil company, Exxon Mobil, recently announced that their profits for the fourth quarter of 2010 had increased by a staggering 53%. This was in line with strong increases in profits of other large energy companies, largely due to rising oil prices.

But it gets worse. Oil prices are continuing to rise, pushed by fears that unrest in Egypt and other middle eastern countries may cause shortages, especially if the Suez canal is shut down. So while your pocketbook is taking a beating at the gas pump, and Egyptians are being beaten by police on the streets, big oil is profiting — big time.

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Everything’s Bigger in Texas

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Including the deficits.

Texas has long been touted by conservatives as a model for fiscal conservatism — if you cut taxes, cut regulations, and cut government services, that will stimulate the economy and the benefits will “trickle down” to everyone. And for the last year, it looked like Texas might escape the budget woes that are afflicting other large states like California, New York, and New Jersey. The governor has even boasted of his “prudent fiscal decisions“.

Well, it turns out that their lack of budget problems was more due to the fact that Texas does its budgeting on a two year cycle instead of one. While governor Rick Perry predicted a state budget deficit around $10 billion or so, the state Comptroller’s report puts the deficit at $27 billion. That puts it in the same ballpark as California, which has become notorious for its staggering budget problems.

ooops!

But the situation is actually worse in Texas, because given the conservative nature of the state it is virtually impossible to raise revenue through increased taxes, and state services are already so low there is little to cut. Their whole budget is basically education and healthcare spending, and Texas already near the bottom on education spending per child, while leading the nation in the percentage of residents without health insurance. In fact, close to one out of every four children live below the poverty line in Texas, and the governor is proposing to severely cut child support services even more to address the budget shortfall.

Are these the “death panels” that people should be screaming about?

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Late Night Political Humor

Friday, February 4, 2011

“Egypt has responded to hundreds of thousands of protesters by shutting down the internet. Listen, if you want people to stay home and do nothing, turn the internet back on.” – Conan O’Brien

“Egypt has shut off cell phones and the internet. It’s like visiting your parents’ house.” – David Letterman

“Celebrities are tweeting about Egypt. Larry King has offered to go there and speak personally to the Pharaoh.” – Conan O’Brien

“The bookies have put the odds out for this weekend. The Packers are slightly favored over the Steelers and the rioters are slightly favored over President Mubarak.” – Jay Leno

“Huge riots continue in Egypt. Experts say one of the problems over there is there is a huge difference in wealth between the extremely rich and the vast majority of the people who have nothing. Thank God that could never happen in this country, huh?” – Jay Leno

“I don’t know much about politics over there (in Egypt), but I heard they broke into their national museum and destroyed some mummies. The one thing I do know is that disturbing 2,000-year-old mummies is a terrible idea. If there’s one thing Brendan Fraser has taught us, it’s that.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I haven’t seen this many protestors in Cairo since the last time they announced Brendan Fraser was doing another one of those ‘Mummy’ movies.” – Jay Leno

“Happy birthday to Dick Cheney. I think he’s 70 years old. Dick celebrated by shooting a cake.” – David Letterman

“They had a party at Dick Cheney’s house and he invited 12 people to his birthday party. At midnight he told them, ‘Only 11 of you will be leaving with a heart.'” – David Letterman

“Vice President Joe Biden has suggested to people out of work to just ‘hang in there.’ What a difference two years makes: Remember ‘hope and change’? Now it’s ‘hang in there.'” – Jay Leno

“The Pentagon has announced a 3-month timetable for gays to be able to serve openly in the military. They want it so coincide with the season finale of ‘Glee.'” – Jay Leno

“John Boehner, the congressman from Ohio, is the new speaker of the House. We know that he cries. It’s some sort of enzyme problem. If he can’t find his car keys, he’ll just sit down and sob.” – David Letterman

“Bristol Palin announced she has a new boyfriend. No word yet on their new baby’s name.” – Jimmy Fallon

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