“Well, let me know what you think of this. George Herbert Walker Bush says that his son, Jeb, would make a great president. And I’m thinking, a third Bush in the White House. Boy, cut me a slice of that, you know?” -David Letterman
“George Bush Sr. recently said he’d like his son Jeb to be president, but that right now is a bad time for him to run. When asked what a good time would be, Bush Sr. said, ‘Eight years ago.'” -Conan O’Brien
“President-elect Barack Obama said he got a little choked up as he left his house in Chicago and headed for Washington, D.C. It was especially painful because as soon as he left, Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich sold Obama’s house.” -Conan O’Brien
“And for the next two weeks, President-elect Barack Obama will be living full-time at a hotel right across the street from the White House. This is historic because this is the first time a Democrat has checked into a Washington hotel room under his own name.” -Jay Leno
“Earlier today, Barack Obama’s daughters started at their new school in Washington, DC. Yeah, their teachers are really impressed and said that both girls are already reading well above President Bush level.” -Conan O’Brien
“First Lady Laura Bush has signed a deal to write her memoirs. We have an advance copy right here. It’s called, ‘Another Book My Husband Won’t Read.'” -Jay Leno
“Kind of an awkward moment. They asked President Bush what his New Years resolution was, and he said, ‘Well, sure, our government needs work, but there’s no reason to start a resolution.'” -Jay Leno
“Barack Obama spent his first full day in Washington since coming back from his vacation in Hawaii, but no matter where this guy is, he always manages to work out. Like, today, he spent most of the afternoon running from Bill Richardson.” -Jay Leno
“As you may have heard, New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson announced this weekend that he is withdrawing his nomination to be Commerce Secretary because of a grand jury investigation involving some of his political donors. And once again, President Bush, not really following this story. Like, when he heard there was a problem with the governor of New Mexico, he said, ‘Well, he should be deported.'” -Jay Leno
“As you know, Israel is at war with Hamas. Israel says the reason they attacked Gaza was, they were sick of being hit by Palestinian missiles. You know who is really tired of it? The manager of the Target store in Jerusalem. He’s fed up.” -Jay Leno
“And a special holiday message was delivered by the Iranian president. It aired on British TV Christmas Day, and in this message, the Iranian president said that if Jesus were alive today, he would be standing next to him. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I’m sure Jesus would be wearing an ‘I’m With Stupid’ t-shirt, too.” -Jay Leno
“And Congress says this week they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. So The guy that made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.” -Jay Leno
“Hey, congratulations to Gov. Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol, who had her baby. They named the baby Tripp, which is better than the name Sarah Palin suggested. She wanted to call the kid Joe the baby.” -Jay Leno
