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Late Night Political Humor

“Halloween is just a couple days away. Everybody’s getting in the spirit. In fact last night, I watched TWO scary movies: the Republican debate and the Mets game. I’ll be having nightmares for WEEKS!” – Jimmy Fallon

“Last night in Colorado the Republican candidates for president gathered to debate. It was the most-watched program in CNBC history. Mostly people watched to get ideas for Halloween costumes.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“During last night’s debate, Donald Trump said he would feel more comfortable if his own employees brought firearms to work. When they heard that, many of Trump’s Hispanic employees said, ‘No problemo’.” – Conan O’Brien

“The worst of memorable moments: We learned Donald Trump carries a gun. He told the group he carries a concealed weapon, conceals it in his hair.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The front-runner Dr. Ben Carson, in his closing statement, said one thing he’s noticed on the campaign trail that is people are waking up. And we’re hoping that eventually he will also wake up.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Carly Fiorina said that after the previous debate, people told her that she needed to smile more. They were like, ‘Just pretend you’re laying off a bunch of people.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Jeb Bush had a very rough night last night. He finally got time to say what he wanted, and how did he use it? He attacks not Donald Trump, not Hillary Clinton or Ben Carson. Of all people, he attacks Marco Rubio for missing votes in the Senate. Which is something that literally no one outside of Florida cares about. It was embarrassing. And it’s just like a Bush to attack the wrong guy, it really is.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In his closing comments, Rand Paul said that he is running to create a government so small that you can barely see it. Paul said it would be modeled after his presidential campaign.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The third Republican debate was held last night, and RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said he was extremely disappointed with the coverage. And he understands disappointment, because his parents named him Reince Priebus.” – Seth Meyers