“Yep, tonight is the 969th and final episode of ‘Late Night.’ Or as my dad put it, ‘Couldn’t make it to a thousand, huh? Quitter.’” – Jimmy Fallon “I don’t like goodbyes. NBC does. Well, tonight is our last show for real. See, I don’t need to get fired three times. I get the hint.” […]
“The games haven’t even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don’t flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it’s like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise.” – Jay Leno “You know, ticket sales have been slow for the Olympics in Sochi, mostly […]
“In spite of being a terrible game, the Super Bowl was the most watched TV event in history. So apparently it’s true — if we do start televising executions, people will watch.” –Jay Leno “The Broncos got beaten really bad — and we still won’t know until we find the black box exactly what went […]
“Did you all see that game yesterday? Was that the worst Super Bowl ever? It was 43 to 8. The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet was more competitive than that.” – Jay Leno “With all the hoopla over the Super Bowl, did you know Sunday was Groundhog Day? What happened was the groundhog saw his […]
“This week in New Orleans, Hillary Clinton said she still doesn’t know if she’s running for president in 2016. Isn’t that unbelievable? With 315 million Americans, what are the odds she’s the only one in the country who doesn’t know she’s running for president in 2016?” – Jay Leno “Joe Biden said that Hillary Clinton’s […]
“Last night of course was the State of the Union address, and during his speech, President Obama promised to focus on economic growth, education, and healthcare. Or as people tuning in put it, ‘Oh crap, it’s a rerun.’” – Jimmy Fallon “How many of you folks watched the State of the Union speech last night? […]
“Earlier tonight President Obama gave his State of the Union address. Or, as Fox News called it, ‘Lame Duck Dynasty’.” – Jay Leno “You see president’s State of the Union address earlier tonight? Oh man, it’s the last pointless event until the Super Bowl.” – David Letterman “The first address broadcast live on TV by […]
“After the president’s State of the Union address, there will be three separate Republican rebuttals. Obama said, ‘Yeah, I live with two daughters, my wife and my mother-in-law. Three people telling me I’m wrong is a holiday.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Tomorrow night, President Obama will deliver his State of the Union address. Aides say he […]
“President Obama is giving the NSA new guidelines on gathering data on American citizens. He says the NSA can no longer violate anyone’s constitutionally protected right to privacy. That, of course, will be Target’s job.” – Jay Leno “Target just announced that it is dropping health insurance for part-time employees and they’re blaming it on […]
“Earlier today Governor Chris Christie was re-inaugurated. It was a beautiful ceremony. They even had that phony sign language guy. When Governor Christie was sworn in, he put his right hand on a menu. Immediately following the ceremony, Christie closed the Holland Tunnel.” – David Letterman “We are so lucky to live here in California […]
“Yesterday the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks advanced to the big game, which means this year’s Super Bowl will have teams from the two states where recreational marijuana is legal. Or as pizza delivery men put it, ‘Pray for us.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Health officials are now warning that pot smoking can cause apathy. […]
© Tom Fishburne I have to admit that I purchased a Nest thermostat a few months ago, before there was any hint that Google was about to purchase them. I didn’t get the smoke alarm option. This comic might seem to have little to do with politics, but it is about privacy — a topic […]
You’ve come a long way baby, but the Daily Show is going to take you even further.
Jimmy Fallon and friend make fun of Chris Christie’s “Bridgegate”: Christie may think he was Born to Run, but how is he going to run from this? UPDATE: Fox News defends Christie, leading to a response from Jon Stewart.
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