“Sarah Palin has been hired back by Fox News, and she only left five months ago. She has now effectively quit quitting. She can’t even commit to being uncommitted.” – John Oliver “President Obama is now in Ireland for the big G8 summit. Security for the overseas presidential trip is unbelievable. He has 14 limousines, […]
[Believe it or not, this is the 1000th posting of Late Night Political Humor! – iron knee] “Obama decided we’re going to arm the rebels in Syria. Yes! This is why I voted for Obama in the first place, so he could carry out McCain’s bad ideas.” – Bill Maher “The great news about getting […]
“This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone.” – Jimmy Fallon “I’m excited that this Sunday is Father’s […]
© Brian McFadden But remember, if WMDs are outlawed, only outlaws will have WMDs. How will we defend ourselves?
“Due to the government spy scandal, sales of the classic George Orwell book ‘1984’ have skyrocketed. So the fallout is worse than we thought. It’s making Americans read.” – Conan O’Brien “Evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin and his wife, Connie, have been married a long time, and everybody thought they were happily married. Well, last […]
“According to a poll, the majority of Americans are OK with the Obama administration listening in on our phone calls. Guys approve because they feel it increases security. And women approve of Obama’s policy because finally a man is listening to them.” – Conan O’Brien “Do you mind that the NSA is opening your mail […]
“The NSA has been listening in on phone calls. It’s people with cellphones — you hear these people walking down the street screaming into their cellphones. They’re the ones who are upset about people listening to their phone calls.” – David Letterman “This weekend, President Obama held talks with Chinese President Xi Jinping. It went […]
“Big breaking news about something we’ve known for like seven years, which is that your phone calls are being tracked and your emails are being accessed by the government. And married men all over are saying, ‘The government? Thank God. I thought you were going to say my wife’.” – Bill Maher “The White House […]
“Another scandal hit the White House today. A report found that the government has been secretly collecting the phone records of Verizon customers. I knew something was up when I said, ‘You hang up first’. Then my wife said, ‘No, YOU hang up first!’ Then Obama said, ‘Uh, how about you just hang up at […]
“The mystery is over. After a month of waiting, it turns out that an 84-year-old woman in Florida has won the $590 million Powerball lottery. As for how much tax she’s going to have to pay, the IRS said it’s too early to tell because they don’t know whether she’s a Republican or Democrat.” – […]
“More problems for the IRS. Isn’t that the feel-good story of the year? They wasted $50 million over a two-year period on conferences and retreats for employees. They even spent $11,000 on a happiness expert. I have an idea how to make them happier. How about stopping making everybody else’s life miserable? Start with that!” […]
“Many Republicans want President Obama to fire Attorney General Eric Holder after he seemed to contradict himself under oath. When asked if he’s worried, Holder said, ‘Yes. I mean, no’.” – Jimmy Fallon “President Obama says he is renewing his efforts to close Guantanamo Bay. How about closing the IRS? Why don’t we do that? […]
© AccordingToDevin This was sent to me by a friend. I can’t decide if it is funny or what.
“The lights are a little dimmer in Crazytown tonight. In the struggle between reality and Michele Bachmann, reality has won. Flags are being flown at half mast at the Laugh Factory. Michele Bachmann is out. Still no word on her husband Marcus.” – Bill Maher “Bachmann said it was a very tough decision, but after […]
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