Political Irony

Larry David argues that even if you aren’t better off than you were four years ago, at least you weren’t hit by an asteroid!

It is interesting to see how people react to this video. Is Stewart trying to be balanced? Is he making fun of people’s attitudes toward Obama? Are people afraid of criticism of Obama, since the alternative would be (much much) worse?

At least we can all agree that McCain and Palin would have almost certainly brought on a zombie apocalypse!

“I’m very excited; we have Ron Paul on the show tonight. Unlike the Republicans, we’re actually going to let him speak.” – Jay Leno

“That had to be rough for Ron Paul. You run for president, you win a bunch of delegates, and not only is he not allowed to speak but he couldn’t even sit down because they gave his chair to Clint Eastwood.” – Jay Leno

“Outside it’s like 82 and cloudy – like Clint Eastwood.” – David Letterman

“Chuck Norris said that if President Obama is re-elected it will lead ‘to a thousand years of darkness.’ Then he said if Mitt Romney wins, it will lead to four years of extreme whiteness.” – Conan O’Brien

“The Republicans are really going after Obama. They asked, ‘Are you better off now than you were four years ago?’ Americans said ‘No, we’re worse off because we never heard of Honey Boo Boo.'” – Conan O’Brien

“But Paul [Ryan], my man, be smart about this. You keep stretching the truth about things that anyone can look up on the internet … check yourself before you wreck yourself.” – Stephen Colbert

“Over the weekend, a chef in Minnesota created the world’s largest bacon cheeseburger, weighing in at over 2,000 pounds. And if you want to hear what it tasted like, you’ll just have to wait until I interview Chris Christie.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The Democratic Convention began tonight. What a difference four years makes. Last time the theme was ‘Hope and change.’ This year the theme is ‘Hope you don’t make a change.'” – Jay Leno

“The Democratic National Convention is under way. For three days in Charlotte, N.C., everything the Democrats do is good. And everything Republicans do is evil. It doesn’t bother me. I live in Hollywood. It is like that here every day.” – Craig Ferguson

“Today was the start of the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, N.C. They’re going all out to make sure it tops last week’s Republican convention. In fact, I heard at this one they’re going to have Clint Eastwood yell at a couch.” – Jimmy Fallon

“I hope they go easy on Clint Eastwood. It wasn’t his best performance last week at the Republican convention, but he’s given us decades of great films. So Democrats, if you’re looking to mock Mitt Romney by dragging an inanimate object out onto the stage, why not just use Mitt Romney?” – Craig Ferguson

“Much like the Republicans, the Democrats are also going to have a mystery speaker. I believe it’s Mitt Romney’s dog.” – Jay Leno

“Former Democratic nominee John Kerry is going to give a speech about foreign policy. It will be like Clint Eastwood’s speech except this time the empty chairs will be in the audience.” – Craig Ferguson

“Former President Bill Clinton will be in Charlotte tomorrow night. And he’ll also be at the convention.” – David Letterman

“The first two nights of the Democratic convention are at the Time Warner Cable Arena and the big speech by President Obama will be at the Bank of America Stadium. That’s good thinking, the two things Americans love most: cable companies and banks.” – Jay Leno

“There are reports that nine of the hotels being used for politicians at the Democratic National Convention have bedbugs. When asked what it’s like to have to deal with thousands of ruthless bloodsuckers, the bedbugs were like, ‘Eh, it’s OK’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Two California Democratic delegates have already been kicked out of convention for getting completely drunk. One passed out, the other was accused of impersonating a member of Congress. They knew he wasn’t a real member of Congress because he was buying his drinks with his own money.” – Jay Leno

“If you’re a donor to President Obama’s campaign, you were promised exclusive access to Joe Biden – and for an extra $10,000 absolutely no access to Joe Biden.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama is spending his free time in the White House making beer, and apparently the beer is so good that the White House is now releasing the recipe. Not to be outdone, Mitt Romney will be releasing his own recipe for root beer.” – David Letterman

“On Saturday the White House released President Obama’s personal recipe for a home-brewed beer. That’s how bad the economy is. Not only is our president drinking, he’s drinking beer he made in his bathtub.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I wish somebody would release the recipe for fixing the economy. – David Letterman

“Did you have a nice Labor Day? It’s the day we honor the American worker. When I say an American worker, I mean an 8-year-old kid in China.” – David Letterman

“If your party can run the nation for eight years, and then have a national convention and not invite Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Karl Rove, or Tom DeLay, you’re not a political movement. You’re the witness protection program.” – Bill Maher

“Congratulations to Mitt Romney on his purchase of the Republican presidential nomination.” – Jay Leno

“Paul Ryan made a speech the other night, even a columnist for Fox News said it set a world record for the greatest number of lies in a single speech. To which Mitt Romney said, ‘Game on’.” – Bill Maher

“Fox News’ coverage of the Republican convention got beat in their ratings by ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.’ That’s not a good comment on America. One is a view of the world as seen through the eyes of a redneck child, and the other is ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’.” – Bill Maher

“Clint Eastwood came out at the Republican convention and did ten minutes of wingnut improv. It was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican party — a confused old person yelling at something that doesn’t’ exist.” – Bill Maher

“This is where Clint Eastwood has done a huge favor to us all. Because the Republican Party’s irrationality, that they’ve worked so hard at the convention trying to conceal, was unleashed in a 12-minute improvised avant-garde performance of One Angry Men. Eastwood finally revealed the cognitive dissonance that is the beating heart and soul and fiction of this party! He’s so far gone, they’re hammering Obama for things Bush did, and Romney is!” – Jon Stewart

“After watching Clint Eastwood last night, be honest, Sarah Palin is not looking too bad now, is she?” – Jay Leno

“Didn’t you love that part where Clint pretended that he was talking to an invisible Obama? And this Obama was not a nice guy. This Obama was telling Romney to go fuck himself. Isn’t that something? Even people who don’t exist hate Mitt Romney.” – Bill Maher

“I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe, bear so little resemblance to the world and the President that I experience. And now I know why. There is a President Obama that only Republicans can see.” – Jon Stewart

“Mitt had to follow that. He’s a little stiff. He makes Al Gore look like James Brown at the Apollo. And for five minutes the crowd was chanting, ‘Bring back the chair!'” – Bill Maher

“After the whole the Eastwood debacle last night, I’ll bet the Democrats are thankful their party doesn’t’ have any cozy relationship with Hollywood celebrities like the Republicans.” – Jay Leno

“The Republican Convention decided not to show a hologram of Ronald Reagan for fear it would overshadow Mitt Romney. It’s never a good sign when your candidate is in danger of being over shadowed by something that technically doesn’t make a shadow.” – Conan O’Brien

“Last night at the convention, the scheduled appearance of three-dimensional Ronald Reagan hologram was canceled at the last minute. Of course they canceled the 3D hologram. They didn’t want to upstage Mitt Romney. He’s only one dimensional.” – Jay Leno

“Ann Romney was telling details of their personal life. She said that when she and Mitt were young, ‘He was nice to my parents, but really glad when my parents weren’t around.’ And with his Medicare plan, they won’t be.” – Bill Maher

“Ann Romney was appealing to women for the women’s vote, and she said she was living proof that if you work hard and apply yourself, there is nothing you can’t marry.” – Bill Maher

“First the good news: Louisiana, knee-deep in water, but this time, the levees held from the big hurricane. That’s good. However, Tampa, Florida this week nearly drowned in bullshit.” – Bill Maher

“How can we trust Republicans with the future, when, as far as I can tell from Tampa, the world ended the year Reagan left office? Like, in 1988, we just all fell into a deep sleep listening to ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’, and when we woke up Monday morning, Obama and his negro army had wrecked the joint.” – Bill Maher

“A young couple got engaged on the floor of the Republican Convention. Thankfully for the Republicans it was a man and a woman.” – Jay Leno

“The Democrats are getting ready for their convention in North Carolina. Or as they told Joe Biden, South Carolina.” – Jay Leno

“I always like how the politicians show how that they’re just regular guys. Like Obama says he likes to have a beer with people. And Romney said, when it comes to shopping, he chooses Costco. In fact, last week, he bought three of them.” – Jay Leno

“Tonight is the last night, the final night of the Republican convention. Tonight is the swimsuit competition.” – Conan O’Brien

“Have you folks been enjoying the Republican convention? Ann Romney was great. She said it’s all about love. Then Chris Christie followed up by saying, ‘It’s not about love, it’s about respect.’ Will you people get on the same page? Which is it? Is it love or respect?” – David Letterman

“At the convention tonight, the surprise speaker was Clint Eastwood. What’s more surprising than a grumpy old white guy at the Republican convention?” – Craig Ferguson

“Clint Eastwood was the mystery guest tonight at the Republican convention. Finally, a senior citizen who scares Paul Ryan.” – Jay Leno

“Paul Ryan stretching the truth to make his speech more effective is just another form of doping. In that if you believe him, you are a dope.” – Stephen Colbert

“It’s been reported the Republican convention decided not to show a hologram of Ronald Reagan for fear it would overshadow Mitt Romney. It’s never a good sign when your candidate is in danger of being overshadowed by something that technically doesn’t make a shadow.” – Conan O’Brien

“A man in Florida has been arrested for wearing a President Obama mask while robbing a McDonald’s. To show you how good this guy’s disguise was, instead of a holdup note he was reading from a teleprompter.” – Jay Leno

“This Obama robber made some pretty scary threats to the McDonald’s employees. He said, ‘Give me your money, or else my economic plan will have you working here for the rest of your life.'” – Jay Leno

“A former Navy SEAL has a book out that claims Osama bin Laden was unarmed when he was shot. The book is called ‘Who Cares, He’s Dead.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Are you excited about Labor Day weekend? That’s a holiday where Americans take three days off from looking for a job.” – David Letterman

© Ted Rall

Grover Norquist famously said “I’m not in favor of abolishing the government. I just want to shrink it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub.” Will he get his wish?